Pictures

Christmas traditions...

Christmas Eve each of the kids gets new "Christmas Jammies" to wear to bed.

And then they each get a new ornament to hang on the tree...we try and get something that is appropriate to the kid for that particular year.

Hanging our stockings...

Christmas morning opening gifts...

Enjoying our new guitar...being a rockstar : )

Christmas 2009

Christmas last year was great just because I'd made it home from China with Keeghan so we were all together. Keeghan and I were jet lagged and still adjusting to US time. Keeghan was still totally overwhelmed with all the changes that were going on but it was great to have her home for Christmas.

This year was great fun! Keeghan kinda gets the whole Christmas thing. She was excited for presents (and was just asking me for more presents!) and had fun playing with her new things. It took a good 5 hours for her to get all her things opened this morning. Not because there were so many things but because she wanted to play and for the most part we let her. No need to force her to rip through presents and not enjoy her new things. Keeghan is just catching on to things being "MINE" and I think she likes the idea. Some of the big hits of the day were the Tickle Me Elmo, an "electric" guitar, a Fisher Price laptop, and a play microwave.

Keeghan was up on the early side...as usual. Carson was up with her and Kennedy was up soon after so we sent Keeghan to wake up her brother so we could enjoy Christmas morning together. Keeghan knocked on Devon's door, opened it and promptly went "boom" onto Devon. So much for a gentle wake up! The big kids were terrific about getting up nicely and they got stuff they loved so everyone had a good morning.

I hope everyone had a great holiday and had a chance to spend time with their families and friends today...I know I did! I do have pictures but I'll post those another time as I need to get the little princess off to bed.

Bonding and attachment a year later...

I've talked a bunch about attachment and bonding over the past year. Not cause it's fun but because it's work. It's work with bio kids too...just not as thought about. All those middle of the night feedings and diaper changes and walking carrying a baby...all in the name of bonding and attachment. Letting them learn that you'll be there to take care of them even if you're fall down tired or sick or sick and tired of it. That (typically) works in a newborn adoption as well but a toddler (or older child) gets that they are no longer with whomever was taking care of them and you have to win them over. Not in the treats and toys sense (though fun games and food certainly help) but in the I'm here to take care of you no matter how much you don't want it sense.

Keeghan came to me screaming and kicking. She was very reserved and not cuddly at all. I was allowed to carry her and feed her because I was all she had. I've done what I can to reassure her that she will always have food. That I will always take care of her. That hitting is not ok. That listening gets you what you want (more often than not) where as screaming and running off don't. I've worked to give Keeghan space and not force physical affection on her. I've put her to bed 370ish nights and gotten up countless times at 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 (or all of those)A.M. I've shared candy from my mouth to hers to sneak eye contact and kisses. I've stuck stickers all over our faces to make eye contact. I've carried her 30-35lb frame more often than not. I limited her contact with others and am still hesitant to let her go to other people. There are still only a few people outside our family I allow to hold Keeghan. She still isn't sure of physical boundaries with others so limiting who holds her or has physical contact with her is still important.

We had some trouble over the past month with my working too much. I think it was affecting Keeghan so I cut back to be home to put her down for naps and be home when she gets up (most days). It was also becoming clear that Keeghan was using Carson as a surrogate Ma Ma which is not good. There are times we have to physically separate them to be sure Keeghan comes to me or Doug for what she needs. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE that my girls love one another and Carson is a HUGE help but she is NOT Keeghan's Ma Ma and we have to make sure Keeghan knows that no matter how hard it is.

I think it's all paid off. Keeghan finally cuddles up to me when I put her to bed. She rubs her face against mine and plays with my hair. She'll sink into my lap instead of just sitting on it. She'll actually hug me when she puts her arms around me and hold on like she means it. She runs to me when I get home from work. She looks for me to go to bed and when she's not happy. She often tucks her head into me if a stranger says hi and she is typically hesitant with people she doesn't know. She seems happy and is growing and learning. I hope we can continue to meet her needs and answer her questions and help her grow into a terrific young woman. One year home is just the beginning. There is still much work to do but there is plenty of work with all the kids if we are to consider ourselves successful parents.

1 Year "Gotcha" Anniversary

A year ago today I was handed a screaming, kicking, pushing toddler who wanted NOTHING to do with a Ma Ma. Today I've got a (mostly) happy, hugging, kissing, hand holding, strong willed toddler that we love from here to the moon (and maybe back). We celebrated this anniversary by having dinner with some travel mates which was great! The girls enjoyed eating, playing with stickers, taking pictures and even yelling a bit while we had some great Chinese food. A wonderful way to celebrate this past year. I do have some attachment stuff to post about but not right now. Just want to enjoy our gotcha anniversary!

Traded

Keeghan's been home almost a year now. We've worked hard to assure her we are here for her and will not leave her on her own. We've set appropriate limits, given tons of love and hugs and kisses, spent hours awake at night hoping for everyone to sleep, watched Keeghan learn to laugh and play and love...all the joys that come with the first year of parenthood.

As Keeghan and I have become more secure, I've been working more. Especially now that Christmas is approaching. I worked close to 40 hours last week (YIKES...it's been literally a year since that's happened) and Keeghan has had lots of Ba Ba, Jie Jie, and Ge Ge time. As a result, Ma Ma has been traded in! Keeghan is so much more willing to go with Doug over me and doesn't seem to have a need to be "on me" constantly. As a result, I'm worried about our bonding and attachment. I'd like to think it's a good thing that she's willing to branch out a bit but I worry that she's feeling abandoned by her Ma Ma.

Bonding is hard work. Taking the time to stop whatever I'm doing to be sure Keeghan and I can make eye contact or I can carry her or cuddle with her or getting up 5 times between 2 and 4 a.m. makes some days very long. But, having my princess run to me to give me a hug when I get home from work or pick her up after some time at the gym is amazing! 12 short months ago this little girl was VERY unhappy to be handed to me. Rightfully so. I've worked hard to teach her that I love her and will take care of her and I hope she's learning that I mean it.

We are so lucky that Keeghan was cared for as well as she was in the orphanage. A 16 month old walking and talking little girl coming from institutionalized care is amazing. I've seen children much older who can just pull themselves up and don't have the strength so do much else. I've seen children with rope marks on their bodies from being tied to their cribs or potty chairs. This is not to say Keeghan doesn't carry "scars" of her time in an orphanage. She does. We'll work hard to help her through them and to heal what we can but I think it's very important to remember that though Keeghan is with us and we love her, that doesn't negate the first 16 months of her life (or the 9 months she spent in her birth Mother's belly).

Thankful

I'm thankful for...

...a husband who puts our daughter's hair in pig tails, likes to cook, and puts up with me.

...my 14 year old son who will still hug and kiss me goodnight, plays a mean guitar and drums, and is an amazing big brother.

...my 12 year old daughter who's a kick ass soccer player, a beautiful young woman, and a leader at school.

...my 10 year old daughter who is comfortable in her own skin, a fierce competitor, and the best big sister Keeghan could ever have.

...my 2 year old princess who makes me laugh during the day, keeps me up at night, and is the perfect completion to our family.

...the best friend a girl could ask for who always has my back, can always make me laugh, and loves my kids as much as I do.

...the amazing families I travelled to China with. I hope you are all enjoying your first Thanksgiving home with your girls!

...my little sister who is going through some tough stuff but is still as beautiful as always.

...many co-workers that I love.

...the ability to hit the gym or go for a run everyday.

...all that adoption has brought to our family.

Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving!

This time last year...

I was a maniac. Packing and re-packing and packing again. And working and working and working. It's so hard to believe that Keeghan has been with us for almost a year. I totally remember this time last year putting a ton of paperwork together, getting my Visa, trying to get everything for Keeghan and I in one bag under 44lbs. Now, Keeghan is here and we're getting ready for the holidays. Last year was such a hustle of Thanksgiving and Christmas is a jet lagged blur for me. I'm really looking forward to Christmas this year. Having a toddler in the house again will be fun. We're starting to talk up the Christmas tree and presents and Santa in the hopes that she'll have a clue. We went and visited Santa at the mall last night and it went...ok. Keeghan wasn't fond of the idea of sitting on Santa's lap even with her brother and sisters. So we ended up sitting the girls in Santa's chair while Devon and Santa stood up to the side to get a picture. All good with me. I have no need to traumatize my kids over a picture, but I am glad we got one.

And we even gave Santa a fist bump...after he gave us candy!

A Year of Firsts

Our first year with Keeghan is slowly coming to an end. We've had a first Christmas, first words, first time sleeping in her crib, first time on a slide, first Easter, first trip to the beach, first hug and kiss and we still have a few firsts to come. Keeghan was home for Christmas last year but I honestly don't really remember last Christmas so I'm pretty sure Keeghan doesn't either. We'd only been home a week and jet lag was still killing us. Keeghan opened presents and seemed to enjoy that but this year I really think will be fun. The other day in the mall Keeghan spotted the huge wreaths hung from the ceiling with red and green Christmas balls on them...she looked up and said "Ohhhhhhh". I'm sure as more decorations show up she'll be more excited about them. She loves to cook so baking will be, ah fun? I'm sure she'll want to be in the thick of it. And I really can't wait to see the kids Christmas morning. I think the big kids will be excited to watch Keeghan open her gifts. We're looking forward to celebrating one year as a family of 6...and many more firsts with our littlest princess.

Mine!

That's Keeghan's new word. Most Moms don't want their 2 year old announcing "MINE" about things because they can be obstinate little things when it comes to words like mine and no. I, however, am thrilled that Keeghan has learned "mine". She spent 16 months in an orphanage where nothing was hers. She shared everything I'm sure. I saw the room she got to play in and there were probably 15 toys in there...and at least 10 kids. So, this morning, when she told me her lollipop was "mine". I smiled and said, "Yes, that's yours.".

Keeghan has also started to become possessive of me : ) If one of the other kids is getting my attention while I'm holding Keeghan she gets a bit annoyed. Carson gave me a hug yesterday while Keeghan was on my lap and Keeghan yelled "NO" and tried to hit Carson. I told Keeghan that I was Carson's Mama too and we could share...that I love Keeghan but that I love Carson too. Then we had a group hug : )

We are certainly seeing more of a 2 year old personality coming out. Devon asked me tonight why Keeghan was being so difficult. I'm certainly not 100% sure but I suspect now that she is comfortable with us and feels safe that she is willing to be a 2 year old...throwing a fit when she's not getting her way or telling you "NO" if she doesn't like something. BUT we also get to see the fun side of Keeghan as well. Her smile lights up her face and her giggle is contagious. She's an amazing little girl and we are so lucky to have her as ours.

Halloween

We are having a tough tough week. I'm not sure if Keeghan isn't feeling well or is cutting teeth or if it's something else but I pretty much have to be standing up holding Keeghan for her not to be screaming. I get a break or two here and there but these moments of her "losing it" are very difficult. Keeghan doesn't have the verbal skills to tell us what's wrong and much to my dismay I'm not a mind reader. She hasn't been sleeping well and is getting up really early. It's tough. I'm hoping it's just teeth or whatever cold is going around and we'll be over it soon.

The princess did go out trick or treating for a bit Saturday night. She certainly loves "nandy" so that made it all worth it for her. She did NOT love the Tinkerbell dress, but I sure did : ) She looked dang cute and did a great job of saying "trick or treat" and "thenk you".

Pumpkin Pictures

This past Wednesday the big kids were all home early from school and it was a BEAUTIFUL day so we went to a local farm to see some animals, check out the pumpkins, and run around a hay bale maze...

Kennedy, Devon, Carson and KeeghanKeeghan checking out a pumpkin And blowing kisses...
Which she does with great emotion..

Kennedy

Devon

Keeghan...

I didn't get a good picture of Carson alone : (

What a long day

I sort of saw it coming. Keeghan was up at 3:30am the other morning. Thankfully she went back to bed within a half hour. I did hear her singing again at about 5 but she stayed in bed until 6. Then yesterday she woke up from her nap wailing which isn't how it normally goes. It took me a few minutes to get her calmed down. She slept last night but this morning was a bit demanding and it escalated to all out hysteria by the time we left the gym. We got home and she wouldn't let me put her down. I tried to shower and she stood holding the curtain open screaming. I got dressed and picked her up trying to calm her down which got me no where. I sat in the rocking chair holding her, hugging her, telling her "it's ok". I asked if she wanted to eat or sleep but it was very clear she just wanted to cry. This happens sometimes. It sucks because I feel so totally helpless. We went out to do a few errands and that was ok. The all out crying stopped but the incessant asking of whatever she wanted went on and on and on. Thankfully, Keeghan crashed in the car on the way home and napped for another 45 minutes. BUT she woke up crying again. I sat her on my lap while she whined for me to stand up but still could not calm her down. Finally I took her out for a walk to meet Kennedy at the bus and that helped right until I tried to come back in the house to put up new toy storage and clean up her room. Devon was good enough to take her back out for a bit and then Kennedy took her out to swing but we're right back at the whining/crying not wanting anything but to be held while I stand. Carson just had her for a minute but that went downhill quick so my posting time is over.

Mommy gut

I tell people all the time my best parenting advice is to listen to your gut and do what's right for you and your family. Listen to all the advice people will give. Digest it. And then go with your gut. That said, my gut is telling me we still have some serious attachment work to do with Keeghan.

I see little things that can turn to bigger ones that are red flags. They could be things that could be passed off as 2 year old behaviour. Keeghan's 2...she's allowed to act it. BUT some of those things that can be passed off as "she's just 2" are also things that indicate some anxious attachment. My gut tells me I need to be careful and pay attention to these things and not pass them off as 2 year old behaviour.

This, however, at 10 months home is tough. Early on it was easy to tell people please don't pick her up or feed her. And honestly she was pretty much stuck to me. But now, I just look a bit crazy when saying those things and Keeghan is a bit more willing to venture off a bit. I do want Keeghan to broaden her horizons and venture out a bit but I don't want her far from me and I don't want anyone and everyone picking her up or giving her food or touching her in general. I have done alot of work over the past 10 months to be sure Keeghan feels safe with me and I don't want to back track now. Keeghan still needs to know I will answer her when she needs me and that I'll make sure she is safe and has food...etc, etc. I think, after almost a year with us it's easy for everyone to forget that Keeghan has lost more in her 2 years than alot of people do in their lives. She lived without us for almost 17 months...17 important months of her life. Babies learn early whether or not they will be answered when they cry. Whether or not it's worth it to get upset when they're hurt or sad. 10 months of my version of Mama love is not going to reverse that. It's a tough line to walk between 2 year old and 10 month old. All the literature tells you that with an adoptive child you need to turn back the clock to 0 when they come to you in terms of bonding and attachment and go from there. So, in those terms, I need to treat Keeghan like a 10 month old where limit setting isn't so necessary. Unfortunately, limit setting is VERY necessary with a 2 year old. It's difficult.

I'm still trying to let Keeghan decide how much physical affection she is willing to give. She says good night to everyone before bed but it's up to her whether it's with a hug or a kiss or a knuckle bump. Hugs and kisses aren't contingent upon anything...nor are knuckle bumps, high fives, or pats on the back. I will sometimes plant a kiss on Keeghan without her permission per say but I am the Mama...and I get to trust my gut.

Just some pictures

Thought provoking

There is a story that just hit NBC about an adoptive parent who gave up her son after 18 months. She says they were not attaching and therefore she was unable to parent him. I'm not writing to judge this Mother. I have not walked in her shoes and do not know what did or did not happen for them. BUT this story has made me think about my story...

It happens this Mother also has biological children (as I do) and her issue was that she was not connecting with her adopted child on a "visceral level" as she had with her bio kids. Attachment, for me, with the bio kids was different each time. One of them, I took care of and loved, but really didn't like very much for a long time. Attachment was a longer process in that case. There is nothing, however, like a baby looking in your eyes and smiling at you. Or getting excited when you greet them in the morning or after their nap. The bio kids we hugged, kissed, and cuddled from day 1. We did some co-sleeping. I nursed each of them. There was lots of bonding and attachment going on that first year. We knew going in that we were behind the 8 ball with Keeghan. We hoped she'd had consistent care in the orphanage and that she'd bonded with someone. We read, we asked questions, we talked to other parents, we talked to our social workers, we wondered...and we waited.

Keeghan was less than amused to be handed to me (she wailed and kicked at me to get away actually) and wasn't taking anything as bribery. I knew our work was cut out for us. She slowly accepted I was it in China because there was no other choice. If she wanted food, clothes, and diaper changes she was dealing with me. We did what we thought was right when Keeghan and I came home. No one, but us, were allowed to feed, change, bath, or comfort her. We took it a bit further and did not allow anyone else to hold her either. We answered her crys and calls without hesitation. She didn't wait for anything. I certainly wasn't loved but I was good for what she needed. For a while "Mama" was just a random word that got an answer. It's now evolved to mean me. We are making progress, I know we are. BUT some days I feel like Keeghan is still not quite ok with this whole situation. It's not her fault. She's been through more in her 2 years than most people deal with in 20. She gets excited when I come to get her at the gym daycare and she'll run for me, but then she stops dead and says "Mama". I long for her to run to me and throw her arms around me. I wish she wasn't as excited to kiss the kitten as she is to kiss me (ok, honestly sometimes the kittens get more love than I do). I wish she would let me comfort her more when she gets hurt. I wish she'd settle her head onto my shoulder and fall asleep when she's tired. I wish she knew what "Mama" really means, or what family means, or what having a home/house means...heck I wish she understood when I tell her "I love you...Wo ai ni". Do these things mean we haven't bonded? No, I don't think so. I think it means we are working on it. Does it suck? Sure it does. Do I blame Keeghan? No way.

Are there days I wonder what we've done? Sure, but I'm 99.9% sure I'd have those days had we chosen to have another biological child. Heck I had those days with the first kid! Was I #1 for my bio kids by the time they were 9 months old...pretty sure their Dad and I ruled their worlds. I'm not so sure we are that to Keeghan yet. I hope, that someday we will be but for now I take what we've got. I made a commitment to be Keeghan's forever Mama...in good times and bad, in sickness and health, til death do us part and I meant it.

Sleep and attachment...again

I know I complain alot. It's what I'm good at, really. I feel like Keeghan is attaching. I know our work isn't done and things will continue to evolve and change as time goes on. Keeghan is becoming more and more physically affectionate with us as time goes on but I still do not insist on hugs or kisses from her. I don't like asking her for them and I cringe when other people do. I'm pretty happy that Keeghan won't go to people she doesn't really know. Someone she's seen a few times tried to get Keeghan to come to her yesterday and Keeghan didn't. That's ok. She does seem a bit too happy to greet random people sometimes when we're out which of course everyone thinks is cute. I, however, think it's stressful. I would prefer she not feel a need to fistbump (knuckle bump...whatever you want to call it) everyone in a room when we leave. It's ok that she wants to do so with someone we know but having to do it with everyone in sight is bothersome and I try not to let her. Maybe limiting who she's allowed to have physical contact with seems over the edge to some but knowing that we're still having some sleep problems (there have been less full nights of sleep over the past month than nights of waking) and that Keeghan is very clingy with me after I've worked or something tells me we still have some serious attachment work to do. Every kid is different...bio, adopted, fostered...whatever and you have to go with your Mommy gut on this stuff. Too bad my Mommy body doesn't do so well sleep deprived.

Broken...

I have not one but two broken kids right now. Kennedy got cleaned out at a soccer game last week and then again on Saturday so off we went to the Dr Saturday night. X-rays said possible break in the thumb. 2 splints later we were off. I got a call this morning that the radiologist didn't think there was a real break so she could take the splint off most of the time but to wear it playing soccer. Great. Then, yesterday, I get a call from the school nurse that Carson took a fall on the playground and hurt her arm. It was almost dismissal time so I waited for Carson to get home before calling the Dr but as soon as I saw her I knew I was calling. Off we went at 8pm last night...more x-rays and a suspected tiny buckle fracture in her wrist. They splinted it with half a cast and ace bandages and I'm supposed to hear today if we need to see an ortho Dr or not. I'm thinking if anyone else breaks anything DSS might be stopping by!

On a Keeghan note...we still aren't sleeping great but I think she's cutting some molars so that might have something to do with it. Of course even if she's just up for a few minutes I can't go back to sleep and am up most of the night. We're doing better with the gym, thank goodness, but I'm still worried because I'm the Mommy. I think 3/4 of my problem with all this adjusting is the adjustment of having a toddler again. I was used to having 3 big, mostly self sufficient kids. I could run an errand in 10 minutes and lock myself in my room if I needed a nap but I can't do that now and I'm not ok with it. I know it won't last forever and I'm trying really really really hard to enjoy those 2 year old moments (like jumping off every curb we come to) because I don't want to miss out. Maybe keeping these thoughts in my head will help. It is also helping that Keeghan doesn't flip out anymore when I say bye to go to work. I typically get a kiss and a "bye bye" which makes it so much easier to leave. It's also nice that Keeghan is better about hanging with her Baba these days and doesn't insist on me 24/7. And having a great friend who is willing to be the Keeghan entertainment committee is a serious bonus! Girls night out is also a big help! All in all it's getting better but I really thought it would happen faster than this!

I thought...

There was a few days there, that I thought, maybe that I had my groove back. I was getting stuff done. Having fun hanging with Keeghan. Getting everyone where they needed to be. Threw a party without screwing anything up too bad. I was wrong. I was just having a good few days. The past week has been very very tough. Keeghan is not ok with being left at the gym daycare all of a sudden which means me getting my workout involves running everyday and I like my time at the gym. She's been up a bunch at night and is giving me trouble about going to bed. I know it's probably the change in routine...the big kids are back at school, soccer is in full swing, I'm working one day during the week...I know. But knowing doesn't make it easier. I almost think it makes it harder. Harder because I question are these things happening because of the routine change?...or is she just being a normal 2 year old who doesn't want her Mama to leave?...cranky because she's cutting teeth?...or are we experiencing some anxious attachment? I honestly don't know what it is and don't think I have a way to really find out. Sure I can read about other adoptive parents experiences, I can read blogs and books and internet boards, but until Keeghan can tell us what's going on we won't know. I sometimes wonder if I've totally screwed up in all of this. Did I ruin all the kids lives by adding a 4th to our family? Should I have left well enough alone? Can I effectively parent these kids with all their differences? You'd think after almost 9 months home these questions would be fading not weighing heavier on me. Am I being tough on myself because I feel like I owe it to Keeghan? What about the other 3 kids whose lives got flipped upside down? What about me? What about Doug? Can someone wave their magic wand and make it all better please?

A few pictures

Busy, Busy, Busy

That's what we've been! Summer came to a quick end when the soccer season started and now that we're back to school as well I'm always on the go. Devon is settling into high school well. He's enjoying playing soccer and they've gone 1-2 so far but their first 4 games of the season are against the toughest teams in the league so to even have won one is great! Kennedy is enjoying 7th grade and playing soccer at school as well as on a travel team. Her first school game is today and I'm looking forward to seeing her play...I love watching that girl on the soccer field. There are 2 tough nights a week for her as she has school practice until 5 and then travel practice starts at 6 and goes until 7:30 so by the time she gets home and showers and eats she still has homework to do. She's done well so far and I'll hope it continues. Devon has had a few of those nights too...one this week where her didn't get home from his game until 8:30, tired, hungry and with homework to do. Carson's getting to like 5th grade. It's her last year of elementary school which is a bit sad for me. She's playing travel soccer as well and we'll see what else this year brings for her! While I do miss having help around the house I'm enjoying some quiet time with Keeghan these days. She seems to be having a tough time adjusting to this new schedule and is being really clingy. Yesterday when I tried to leave her at the gym daycare she freaked out and they had to come get me out of kickbox class : ( I guess we'll just have to work back up to where we were. I try and re-assure her that "Mama will always come back" but after a few losses in her short life I don't blame her for being worried. I'm hoping it's just a short adjustment we're going through and not 2 year old separation anxiety too.

We had a great Labor Day cookout to celebrate Keeghan's birthday with family and friends and Keeghan did really well with all the chaos. I expected her to be stuck to me the whole day but that was not the case. She had fun jumping on the trampoline with some cousins and a travel-mate. She loved eating the cake but still would not blow out candles : ( Maybe next year! I'll post some of those pictures when I get a minute, but they're not on this computer so it'll have to wait!

Summer flew by

Summer is quickly drawing to an end. The first few weeks were so rainy and crummy that I was looking forward to getting every minute of good weather out of the rest of the summer. It seems, however, that although school doesn't start until next week, school sports started last week. Devon's had 2 a day practices, a jamboree, and a scrimmage and Kennedy had tryouts today as well. It has sent me back into the school run around sooner than I anticipated. I was hoping for a quiet last week hanging with the kids and hitting the beach : (

Keeghan has taken to the running around ok so far. We have a few tough nights as far as sleep goes this week (one night we were up for a good 3 hours) and she's been a bit demanding on being held...alot. There have been a few bad car moments of late too where she SCREECHES at the top of her lungs until we all end up screaming back. It's tough for the kids (and me) to try and ignore her and I've certainly had some crappy Mommy moments over this. But really, I have those moments anyway.

I think we're moving forward on bonding. Keeghan runs to me when I come home from work or pick her up from the gym daycare. I bonded quicker with Keeghan than I did with at least one of the other kids which strikes me as odd, but it is what it is. There are certainly days where I'm willing to give her away but I feel that way about all of them sometimes! Keeghan will bury her face in my shoulder if a stranger says hi to her and we are getting more and more hugs and kisses. One of Keeghan's new fun tricks is to push Doug and I together to kiss when she says goodbye to him and kisses him. At first I had no clue what she was doing but then we figure out she wanted us to kiss and say goodbye. She also "fist bumps" and has to do it with ANYONE near her once she does it with one person. It's cute and a good way for her to learn it's ok to kiss some people but not everyone.

Her vocabulary is growing a bit but she is not putting words together at all and it is difficult to get her to try and repeat what we say. Many things that she says sound the same and are difficult to understand. She has learned "soccer" though LOL. We were working on "Go purple" today at Devon's game but that didn't work out so good. Keeghan can also identify shapes...triangle, square, circle and star but we're pretty much the only ones who can understand the words.

I am feeling a tiny bit less like a prisoner. I'm working about 16 hours a week and being out of the house and feeling useful helps. I certainly still miss being able to go where I want when I want. It takes an extra 20 minutes to get anywhere just to get Keeghan in shoes and the car and then out of the car and then in the car...you get the idea. The big kids are AMAZING with her and play with her a ton but I'm not comfortable leaving them to babysit for her unless she's in bed for the night. I'm taking advantage of that a bit now as I know in another few years they will all be off with their friends non-stop and I'll have to hire babysitters! It is nice, though, for Doug and I to be able to get out once in a while. I do still long for my organized, together, self that I seem to have left in China. I can't totally find the "new normal" for us which stresses me out. Maybe once we're settled back into a school routine I'll get there...then again I've been hoping for that since we got home and haven't done it yet.

This is what Doug and I did with one of our nights out...

It translates to "destined to meet" and anyone in the world of a China adoption will understand the meaning and the red thread. If you don't...read the quote at the top right hand corner of my blog.

Just some pictures