Thank goodness...

...we already have Keeghan. This whole swine flu thing has sent the world into a panic, China included. There are rumors flying that the CCAA has stopped issuing travel approvals (the piece of paper that says you can come get your child) and will not be sending referrals anytime soon either. So, families that have referrals and have sent back all their paperwork and are waiting simply for their travel approval will be waiting a bit. And families that are "next" waiting for referrals probably won't see those for another month or more. That stinks for kids and their families. I'm sure it's being done in the best interest of not having sick children but that doesn't make the wait any easier. The CCAA has a statement on their website basically asking adoptive parents who HAVE their travel approval to put off travel for a bit until this blows over. I am SO glad that I am not one of those parents waiting...my heart goes out to them.

April trip to the beach!

It's school vacation week here so all the kids are home. The weather over the past weekend made a turn from winter to summer. We skipped spring all together. The temps have been well into the 80's and today was the last day of that really warm weather so we went to the beach. Keeghan, as you'll recall, was NOT fond of the sand at Aquatica in Orlando so I was a bit worried she'd be a total cling on all day. BUT after the weekend where she walked barefoot in the grass at the soccer field I had some hope that we might be ok. I was right. At first, we weren't so excited about sand but as with most things if you give Keeghan time she'll check things out. I try really hard not to force things with her and just let her have her time to figure out when she is willing to explore more and it seems to be working. I would hate to "convince" her to do something that she wasn't ready for and pay for it later. I'm sure there have been enough times in her life that she's been put in a situation that she was no where near ready for and not given the support she needs to do whatever in her own time and I want her to know that she can have all the time and support she needs from me. Certainly, there are things that are not negotiable...being buckled in the carseat, getting some sleep, not hitting...but playing in the sand or water or going down the slide are not necessities. Anyway, once we'd mastered the sand I gave in and walked Keeghan down to the water. She was ok with putting her feet in pretty quickly (as there were some holes dug that ended up with a bit of water in them) but once a wave came at her she was all done! She conquered that as well, adjusting to know when the water was coming and moving back a bit to be comfortable. We all had a fabulous time and now I can look forward to our Friday beach trips for the summer!!

Digging in the sand

The first walk across the sand was to get to Carson and some food!

This was the initial reaction to sand...staying in Val's chair.

Ah! Toys! Digging!

4 beautiful kids...how did I get so lucky????

We even SAT in the sand!

Such cute feet : )

Sandcastle building

In a big hole...with a puddle of water.

See??

Uh Oh...waves!

OK, not so bad.

Bandaging

I took some pictures the other night after I'd bandaged Keeghan. I figured I'd put them up so people who have no idea what I'm talking about when I say bandaging...can see. There are three layers of wrap to this process, a slip on "comfort" kind of sleeve, some batting sort of wrap (also a comfort layer) and then an ace bandage. Often times more than one ace bandage is used if more compression is needed. Keeghan should probably have a second layer of compression on her arm, but we barely have the patience for the first set so we'll stick with that for now. It's taken us a good two months to get to the point where Keeghan lets me wrap her without major fighting so we're making progress. Once the swelling is down, we move from bandaging all the time (though we'll still bandage at night) to maintenance compression garments. We've measured and ordered one for her leg (as she's been letting me wrap that longer than her arm and the leg wrap is MUCH easier to keep on all day). We have also ordered a garment for her arm that we are hoping can work for daytime compression so we don't have to try and figure out how to keep the bandages on. Anyway...here's what it looks like:

Leg wrapped...

Arm and leg wrapped...trying to put on Kennedy's cleats

And clearly, it doesn't stop her!

4 Months

Keeghan has been home with us for 4 months now. I can't believe that's all it's been. I don't remember my life without her...ok maybe I do just a bit, but I certainly can't imagine our house without her. She keeps us all on our toes more and more everyday.

We're working hard on language and will be getting some help from Early Intervention on that. Keeghan is saying more words but is very hard to understand though I'm pretty sure she understands 99% of what we say. Motor skills are not a problem AT ALL! This child can climb like a monkey and maneuver whatever you give her even with her hand wrapped up. She was picking up goldfish crumbs off the ground the other day (and trying to eat them...yuck!). Keeghan is coming to love playing outside and will even try and play with other kids once in a while. She is now willing to walk on all kinds of surfaces and will even attempt surface changes by herself once in a while. It's amazing to watch her discover and learn!

As for our bonding and attachment...it still seems to be going well. It's only been 4 months so we need to be thinking of her as a 4 month old and not a 21 month old. Would you leave hungry 4 month old to ask for food for 20 minutes before feeding them? No, so I can't do that with Keeghan either. I still need to be responding to her promptly and assuring her that she can rely on me to take care of her. I'm still VERY hesitant to let her go to others. I get a pit in my gut when someone tries to get her to come to them or if she goes to someone else. Generally, Keeghan chooses not to go with others which I like but I still cringe when she thinks about it. She is becoming more comfortable with us still and will give hugs and kisses sometimes without prompting. She also does this "head butting" thing that at first I thought was her way of being affectionate without actually kissing us, but have now read a couple of places that this practice is something Chinese families do as affection. They will "bump" their foreheads together...kind of like nose rubbing I guess. Keeghan will often offer her head to us in lieu of a kiss and I think that's what she's doing. We've never been forceful about making her hug or kiss us if she is not willing which is SO hard. I know there are lots of other people who want to hug and kiss Keeghan a ton too but she really needs her space and there is still alot of bonding for her to do with us. Things that people see as good personality traits (that she is easy going) sometimes worry me because I wonder if it's more that she is not used to getting attention so she doesn't seek it. I would really rather err on the side of caution so I do.

Anyway, we love our new addition to pieces and feel ever so lucky that she's a part of our lives. Four months down...a million to go!

Want a reality check?

There is a site in the China adoption world called Rumor Queen. It is just what the title says...the site to go to for rumors about referrals and anything else related to China adoptions. There are message boards and the woman who owns the site blogs as well. It offers great information and support and tons of resources. The past few days the Rumor Queen has blogged about some general stuff you should know before you bring home your child. It's interesting...especially if you know nothing about adoption...check it out. And read through the comments after each post (I think the past three days) as there are some interesting points made by BTDT parents.

http://www.chinaadopttalk.com/

Carson's Birthday party, Easter and a few fun pictures.

Kennedy thought it would be fun to put Keeghan up on her shoulders...

And then couldn't get her off!

Carson's Birthday...

Cake!

A tired Mom

Pizza!

Presents

And Friends!

Easter...

Egg hunting

Bonding

I know I've touched on bonding a bit through out my blog but a few comments I've gotten over the past month or so have made me think I should talk a bit more about the bonding and attachment process. A few people have asked me for more information but I think most people don't think much about it. I'm sure I was also guilty of the assumption that loving a child would make them feel loved and bring them to love you. Well, that's not so much how it works. It's work. Some of the things I do probably seem totally normal but I don't do them for normal reasons. And some things I do probably seem a bit odd but it's all in the name of bonding with Keeghan. I have done alot of reading both before and after bringing Keeghan home in the hopes of forming a strong attachment with her. It seems to be going well, but there are days when I wonder if perhaps it's going all wrong.



From the minute I was handed Keeghan...I've carried her, ALOT. I used a sling in China (not a stroller and really she didn't walk very much). She's heavy, but the close contact of carrying is a bonding technique. I still carry her way more than is necessary...she can walk perfectly well but alot of times I'll choose to carry her for the contact. I also insist she hold my hand if she is walking partly for safety but partly for physical contact with her. She spends alot of time sitting in my lap as well. Again, physical contact. Some people choose to co-sleep and take baths with their children. I would have co-slept had that been something Keeghan was used to but it wasn't. As for bath time...that was a transition for us and I have tried taking Keeghan into the shower with me but with little success so we don't do that. I just touch her as much as I can. At the same time, I try not to force unwanted physical contact on her. Hugging and kissing for instance. I VERY rarely ask Keeghan to hug or kiss me. I hug and kiss her as often as she will let me, but I don't want her to think those things I am going to force her to give. I'd rather she come to me.



We also play alot of peek a boo and imitating games. Those things seem pretty typical kid games, but I do them with Keeghan to promote eye contact (something kids that come from orphanages typically don't do well). Keeghan loves to peek a boo and imitate and we try and do those things while looking at her and encouraging eye contact. It's been pretty successful because Keeghan will grab my face and turn it towards her to look at me if I'm not paying enough attention to her.



Feeding is another thing that has a big part in our lives. Seems like a simple enough thing, but food can be a HUGE issue especially with a child who may not have had enough of it. I don't think this is the case with Keeghan but I'm pretty positive her food choices were very limited and even at 16 months old she was still mostly on formula. She has taken to solid food very quickly, but I feed Keeghan every chance I get. Often with my fingers. We spend a ton of time on the floor with Keeghan on my lap and me feeding her. We used bottles for the first few months she was home and still do sometimes...so she sits with us to drink. I know she's "too old" for a bottle, but she's not too old to sit in my lap and look into my eyes while I look into hers while she drinks...so we use bottles. I'm also very careful to be sure food is just not an issue. Keeghan can have something to eat whenever she wants and almost always has a cup of "crackers" at her disposal. Food is not something we play with or take away from Keeghan EVER and I will stop anyone who does so even if it is unintentional. I'm still pretty leery of letting anyone (other than the 5 of us) feed Keeghan. I typically will take the food from them to feed her. And even when I don't I tense up at the idea of someone feeding Keeghan. Oh and we let Keeghan feed us...even slimy food cause if she's willing to share something so vital with us, we'll take it. Devon, for instance has eaten goldfish crackers that had been very close to being totally in Keeghan's mouth before being offered to him. I am often the recipient of food I don't like but oh well.



Finally, there is responding. Keeghan calls, I answer. Even 50 times in a row. Sometimes it's not even a verbal call. There are times where we are in an unfamiliar situation and Keeghan will clearly be looking for some reassurance so I will let her know where I am and that whatever she is doing is ok. For the first month (probably more) that she was with me, the term "ma ma" as said by Keeghan meant nothing. It was an attention getter. But after answering her calls of "ma ma" hundreds of times, I'm finally Ma Ma. Along those lines, we don't leave her in her crib when she wakes up and calls for us. I talk to her when I leave the room to tell her I'll be right back. I spend lots of time re-assuring her the "Ma Ma comes back.". She spent a fair amount of her life so far in the orphanage and I'm sure those nannies took good care of her and I'm also sure that she still is wondering where they went. And probably always will. I'm often told that "she'll forget all that", but you know what...she may not consciously remember her first 16 months of life, but it's there. It's part of her and always will be. She will never really forget the loss of her caregivers. Kids are way smarter than we give them credit for and they are very aware of things that happen around them. I will never try to tell Keeghan a story of her life that isn't true. I'll tell her what we know and when there are questions that I don't know the answer to, I'll tell her so. Someday, when she's older, perhaps she'll understand the story of how she came to us. Her story will never be a secret to her, but at the same time it will be hers to tell not ours so I'll be sure she is included in answering questions from strangers. I hope to give her the tools to answer nosey questions with confidence.

I question much of what I do all the time. I hope that I am giving Keeghan all that she needs and then some. We took a very big plunge in bringing her home and I feel very responsible to be sure she is loved more than she can know. I certainly don't question that she is very much my daughter. I don't look at her and think of her as the adopted one, or the dark haired one, or even as her hand being different, I look at her and think how proud I am that she's my little girl and that I can't imagine my life without her. I love her fiercely and hope she can come to know what that love feels like.

If you're interested, here are some links to sites that talk about bonding and attachment in adoption:

http://attachment.adoption.com/bonding/what-is-attachment.html

http://www.a4everfamily.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=section&id=7&Itemid=69

Today...

Then...12/8/08Marks not only 4 months that Keeghan has been really ours, but also the day Carson turns 10! It was early release from school and all three big kids had plans while I got to run around. Keeghan had a therapy appt that I actually almost cancelled, but went to and we managed (we meaning I) to get her leg wrapped up so I'm very glad we went. From there we picked up the big kids and went out to dinner to celebrate Carson's birthday. It's a family tradition that on their birthday...each kid gets to pick where they want to go for dinner. When they were little they'd typically pick Chuck E Cheese and I'm VERY glad we're past that! Devon picked Smokey Bones a few weeks ago for his birthday and Carson (wisely I might add) picked Uno's for their desserts : ) From there Doug took Carson to a concert and Devon, Kennedy, Keeghan and I came home. Now, the princess is in bed...hopefully for the night and I'm not far behind!

Now...4/2/08

Just some general stuff...

We've started seeing a lymphedema massage therapist for Keeghan's lymphedema. Keeghan, is not so thrilled with this. The idea of some stranger touching her in a medical like setting isn't one that goes over well. We've ended up having her show us the massage on us and trying it on Keeghan. Keeghan will let us massage her a bit here and there. We certainly don't expect her to lay still for an hour as is typical in this treatment so we get in some massage after bathtime and when we're getting her dressed. I'll also do some if she's sitting on my lap quietly. I'm sure she'll get used to it and better at sitting still for it as we go along. The next step in the process is bandaging. Both Doug and I were under the impression bandaging was part of maintenance of the swelling reduction but have come to find out that's not the case. So the other day we got out some of the bandaging supplies at Keeghan's appointment (we're there 3 times a week for an hour each visit). Yeah, THAT did not go well. Keeghan saw the bottom layer of wrap and flipped out. I finally got it on her arm and she left it there for a bit but that was as far as we got. There are 3 other layers that need to go on. We're hoping to find a glove to use for her hand and fingers which would eliminate a layer that is used on her fingers but we aren't sure if they come small enough. We tried again yesterday with some bandaging...and didn't get much further. It's just going to take time and patience (cause I'm SUCH a patient person) to get her used to it. We're going to try her leg tomorrow as she seemed more amenable to that than her arm. We'll see.

We also had an early intervention evaluation last week and Keeghan will be getting some help with her speech. I knew she was behind on that and was hoping we could get her to qualify for services to get some help catching her up. I'm pretty sure it won't take long but it's certainly not something I'm qualified to do so help is a good thing! I'm waiting to hear back on when we'll start once a week visits for that. So that will make three times a week at therapy and once a week with EI at our house. Simply because I have all kinds of spare time...

I'm kidding there...soccer season is getting underway and we'll have practice 4 nights a week along with games on weekends. This week is particularly crazy in that it's Carson's birthday tomorrow and Doug is going to see two concerts (same band...two nights) and Devon is doing a battle of the bands with some guys he met and formed a band with...oh and we're moving kids bedrooms around which means I'm painting. Couple all that with the fact that I've got some kind of crazy cold (and possible a sinus infection at this point) and it's going to make for a long week. Good thing Sunday is Easter and we can hang out at home.