Sunday, November 6, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Speech and sleep
I met with Keeghan's speech therapist to chat about the stuttering thing. She gave me some strategies...a lot of them things I was already doing. The stuttering is happening at school more too so that's the focus of her speech sessions. We are getting "homework" to do, working on smooth speech, trying to let Keeghan know that everyone will get their turn to speak so there is no need to rush, and also trying not to make a big deal of the whole thing. Keeghan doesn't seem to notice she is stuttering so we don't want it to become a focus and have it worsen. If Keeghan is having a particularly hard time getting out what she wants to say I will tell her to take a deep breath, talk quietly, and slowly and that seems to help. We are also making an effort to be sure when it's "her turn" to talk that we are paying attention and responding. Sitting here thinking about things now, I think maybe it's a bit better. Keeghan LOVES to talk (though plenty of people who have met her would tell you she's really quiet) especially to me. She asks questions constantly and will sometimes rephrase a question 2 or 3 times to make sure she is understanding. She also knows when you are not listening or understanding her and that is NOT ok. This kid knows how to get your attention and keep it (pretty sure that's a behaviour she developed in the orphanage...and heck it serves her well as she's one of 4 kids) and will talk my ear off sometimes.
Unfortunately, some of those times are in the middle of the night. After moving Keeghan to her big girl bed we had some trouble with her getting out of bed in the middle of the night (we've found her playing video games at 1 or 2am more than once). We used positive reinforcement (stickers) for staying in bed all night and staying there until "there's a 6 on the clock" (yes, K's an early morning kid and will sometimes get out of bed at 5am). BUT, being a smart kid, Keeghan figured out staying in bed means just that and as long as she stays in bed she can yell to me at 3am. So, plenty of nights I am beckoned "ma ma....ma ma....ma ma" to fix blankets or because she doesn't want to sleep or whatever. We've been home almost 3 years. I'm over the not sleeping thing. I am perfectly happy to help if she's not feeling well or has a nightmare or needs me, but getting up at 1 or 2 or 3am to "fix my blankets" is getting to be a problem. I'm not sure that Keeghan understands the difference between an "emergency" that is ok to wake me up for and just waking me up to wake me up. So, we spend lots of time together in the middle of the night and then I can't go back to sleep and then I'm overtired and cranky...and you get the idea. So, sleep is still a challenge.
And to add to that we had a crazy snowstorm last week that knocked out power for 6 days. No heat, no hot water, no lights, no stove, nothing. We are very lucky to have some awesome friends who let us all but move into their house (they have a generator) for the week. BUT that meant Keeghan was all out of sorts. School was close 4 days. We were not home except to sleep and then there wasn't the regular nightlight or sound machine and there were layers of pj's and blankets to keep warm. It was a tough week and it's showing a bit for Keeghan. Sleep was very much a challenge and her behaviour has been a bit off since. Overall, though, I think Keeghan handled it well and seems to be getting back to normal...but tonight we change the clocks so I'm sure that will throw a curve ball into everything!
Unfortunately, some of those times are in the middle of the night. After moving Keeghan to her big girl bed we had some trouble with her getting out of bed in the middle of the night (we've found her playing video games at 1 or 2am more than once). We used positive reinforcement (stickers) for staying in bed all night and staying there until "there's a 6 on the clock" (yes, K's an early morning kid and will sometimes get out of bed at 5am). BUT, being a smart kid, Keeghan figured out staying in bed means just that and as long as she stays in bed she can yell to me at 3am. So, plenty of nights I am beckoned "ma ma....ma ma....ma ma" to fix blankets or because she doesn't want to sleep or whatever. We've been home almost 3 years. I'm over the not sleeping thing. I am perfectly happy to help if she's not feeling well or has a nightmare or needs me, but getting up at 1 or 2 or 3am to "fix my blankets" is getting to be a problem. I'm not sure that Keeghan understands the difference between an "emergency" that is ok to wake me up for and just waking me up to wake me up. So, we spend lots of time together in the middle of the night and then I can't go back to sleep and then I'm overtired and cranky...and you get the idea. So, sleep is still a challenge.
And to add to that we had a crazy snowstorm last week that knocked out power for 6 days. No heat, no hot water, no lights, no stove, nothing. We are very lucky to have some awesome friends who let us all but move into their house (they have a generator) for the week. BUT that meant Keeghan was all out of sorts. School was close 4 days. We were not home except to sleep and then there wasn't the regular nightlight or sound machine and there were layers of pj's and blankets to keep warm. It was a tough week and it's showing a bit for Keeghan. Sleep was very much a challenge and her behaviour has been a bit off since. Overall, though, I think Keeghan handled it well and seems to be getting back to normal...but tonight we change the clocks so I'm sure that will throw a curve ball into everything!
Friday, November 4, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
It's National Adoption Month
I think you all know I think adoption is pretty cool. Biology is cool too fyi...but almost everyone tries that out. People think growing your family means getting pregnant...not always the case. Plenty of people pick the adoption route. I think, though, that unless you know someone who's gone through this and is will to share their story, adoption is a scary idea. It makes sense. That's one of the reasons I decided to blog about our journey of growing our family and I talk about adoption as much as I do. There are on the idea of 150million orphans in this world and everyone of those kids deserves a family. I Everyone who wants to add to their family should think about adoption. I'm not saying it's for everyone to try...heck there are plenty of people in this world should not parent never mind adopt. But, if you're thinking about parenting, think about adoption and if you have questions or want more info...ask. I'm happy to share many parts of our story and happy to talk about the challenges we've faced as well. Just don't go asking how much my child cost or tell me how lucky she is cause then I might go off on you.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
So frustrated...
Keeghan has been really frustrating me lately. I'm not a patient person, I'll freely admit that. Never have been, never will be. Parenting a toddler/pre-schooler at 40 is very different than parenting three of them at 30. I am much more patient with Keeghan. Lately, however, I find myself snapping more and more and I couldn't figure it out at first, but now I've keyed into it. The lack of sleep is most certainly an issue. It's frustrating but we have been doing that to some degree since coming home. It's Keeghan's speech. We had her evaluated for early intervention services a couple months after coming home and she qualified. She still had a delay once she hit 3 and therefore has qualified for services through our local elementary school. Awesome. The beginning of this year, however, Keeghan started stuttering. At first I thought maybe it was just a phase. A burst in development that was making her stutter. I left it alone and figured it would pass. Come April I started to get worried and mentioned it to her pre-school teacher and the speech pathologist. They said they weren't really seeing it at school, but that Keeghan also wasn't talking much at school so that might have been it. Come the end of the school year, the stutter was still there and we talked about it at Keeghan's IEP meeting. We wrote it into her IEP for this fall and I was told not to worry and just to ignore it. All great advice.
BUT the stuttering seems to be getting worse. Keeghan can't seem to get through a sentence in one try. It's not always the first word or a specific sound. I have to stop whatever I am doing to listen to her and understand what she is saying because it's difficult to follow what she says with the stutter. I can't cook lunch and hear a request for some juice...I have to stop whatever I'm doing to listen and understand. It's...in a word...frustrating. I wonder if the lack of sleep or stress of me wanting sleep is making it all worse. We just started week 2 of school so I'll give it another week and then try and meet with the speech pathologist and teacher to get some suggestions because I'm gonna need some!
BUT the stuttering seems to be getting worse. Keeghan can't seem to get through a sentence in one try. It's not always the first word or a specific sound. I have to stop whatever I am doing to listen to her and understand what she is saying because it's difficult to follow what she says with the stutter. I can't cook lunch and hear a request for some juice...I have to stop whatever I'm doing to listen and understand. It's...in a word...frustrating. I wonder if the lack of sleep or stress of me wanting sleep is making it all worse. We just started week 2 of school so I'll give it another week and then try and meet with the speech pathologist and teacher to get some suggestions because I'm gonna need some!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Sleep sucks
Not really...I love sleep. I can sleep with the best of 'em. 12 hours, no problem. Unless, of course, I've got insomnia or a 4 year old who doesn't seem to think sleep is a good thing. I've got a bit of both right now. If I didn't have said 4 year old, and it was just insomnia, then I could nap. But I do and it's not just insomnia.
Keeghan slept like a champ in China. Once home, notsomuch. Jet lag coming back SUCKED. I went cold turkey and got back on US time pretty quick. The then 17 month old, didn't. Once we were over insomnia we still weren't so good about sleeping. Understandable. We gave it time. I comforted her. We bonded. Sleep got somewhat better.
BUT almost 3 years later we still can't count on Keeghan sleeping through the night more than once a week. And by sleeping through the night I mean 8pm-6am if we're lucky. Naps are done. Once in a while we take a nap but then bedtime is more of a nightmare. Nighttime, is already a nightmare. There are nights I've found Keeghan playing Nintendo at 3am. Last night she was hanging out with one of the dogs at 4am. The night before we were running the halls at 2:30am. We had a sticker thing going...stay in your bed all night, get a sticker. Sweet right? Sure, for the first few weeks...then it's just old and boring and why stay in bed? The kid is tired, she's fallen DEAD asleep in the car two days this week. Her behaviour screams tired. Her little body/brain however, not so interested in giving in to sleep.
We're at the scared of monsters stage. We're asking TONS of questions about birthparents and China. School starts next week. There was the 1 night a month ago someone else put her to bed...the first time since she came home. That's alot and I think it's all adding up to lack of sleep...for both of us. If I could just have an epic meltdown whenever/wherever I want, that might be ok. But given I'm 4 with a 0 and not just 4, I can't. So I'm trudging through while little miss just 4 can meltdown at will. Trying to give my little princess some extra love and consistency and motivation. I'll get to sleep again sometime. She will never be 4 again.
Keeghan slept like a champ in China. Once home, notsomuch. Jet lag coming back SUCKED. I went cold turkey and got back on US time pretty quick. The then 17 month old, didn't. Once we were over insomnia we still weren't so good about sleeping. Understandable. We gave it time. I comforted her. We bonded. Sleep got somewhat better.
BUT almost 3 years later we still can't count on Keeghan sleeping through the night more than once a week. And by sleeping through the night I mean 8pm-6am if we're lucky. Naps are done. Once in a while we take a nap but then bedtime is more of a nightmare. Nighttime, is already a nightmare. There are nights I've found Keeghan playing Nintendo at 3am. Last night she was hanging out with one of the dogs at 4am. The night before we were running the halls at 2:30am. We had a sticker thing going...stay in your bed all night, get a sticker. Sweet right? Sure, for the first few weeks...then it's just old and boring and why stay in bed? The kid is tired, she's fallen DEAD asleep in the car two days this week. Her behaviour screams tired. Her little body/brain however, not so interested in giving in to sleep.
We're at the scared of monsters stage. We're asking TONS of questions about birthparents and China. School starts next week. There was the 1 night a month ago someone else put her to bed...the first time since she came home. That's alot and I think it's all adding up to lack of sleep...for both of us. If I could just have an epic meltdown whenever/wherever I want, that might be ok. But given I'm 4 with a 0 and not just 4, I can't. So I'm trudging through while little miss just 4 can meltdown at will. Trying to give my little princess some extra love and consistency and motivation. I'll get to sleep again sometime. She will never be 4 again.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Second Best?
So I was just reading a thread on an adoption board about adoption being second best and I got to thinking. Biology is a strong drive and I think we (as a society) view it as THE way to grow a family. Get pregnant, have baby, good job. Some have trouble with the "get pregnant" part...and are lead to adoption to grow their family. Does that mean adoption is second best? Or just a second choice? Kinda like getting pregnant...most times the first choice is to get pregnant without any ahhhhh, extra involvement? That doesn't always work out so there's help out there...IVF, IUI, just some drugs...does that mean kids that come to a family via those methods are second best?
Some just don't want to be pregnant. I'll tell ya it wasn't a fun time for me! I puked...alot. All the time. For most of all three of my successful pregnancies. I spent some time in the hospital, had high blood pressure, and was pretty miserable to live with while pregnant. Sure one mention of growing our family and I'd be knocked up but that doesn't make my bio kids any better than my adopted kid. I've blogged/talked openly about how we came to adopt. We didn't venture to the biology side with kid 4. Did we talk about it? Sure. But it simply wasn't a good choice...wasn't our 1st choice for adding to our family...adoption was the 1st choice. And honestly, it would be my 1st choice again in a second if we could add to our family again. I could care less about being pregnant, but adoption, I'd be all over that in a second.
So why do you think adoption is seen as the backup plan? Oh...couldn't get pregnant huh? Had to adopt? I think a huge piece of this is how society sees adoption. I think we're stuck in the mindset that having "our own kids" is how it should be...or is better. I think because adoption used to be such a secret that we don't hear enough about it and there are soooo many misconceptions. But, like anything else, if you do some research and ask some questions...you can get through it. People will go to amazing lengths to have biological children. All kinds of medical procedures, drugs, tests, bed rest, the list goes on. Sure, there's a crap load of paperwork involved in adopting...but way easier than 30 weeks of bed rest! Sure there are unknowns...medical stuff that could come up...but isn't that the case in biology as well? Parenthood is a complete crap shoot no matter how you get there. Giving birth to biological children is no guarantee that you'll get a perfectly healthy kid.
There is also the concept that a bond with an adopted child won't be as strong as the biology bond. Gotta tell ya, soooo not true. I did not bond at all with one of my bio kids for a solid year. Did I care for that kid? Yup. Did I enjoy it? Nope. I went through the motions and did what I needed to do cause I am the Mother. It took a long time for me to bond with that kid. Keeghan was "mine" from second one. I connected with her and loved her far more than I can explain. She certainly didn't feel the same about me. I had to work to earn her trust. But it wasn't really work to me...taking care of that bio kid...THAT was work. Obviously this is different for everyone but I'm here to tell ya that biology doesn't guarantee a bond.
So what am I getting at? Adoption isn't second best. It's a way to grow a family just like pregnancy. There are on the idea of 147 MILLION children in this world without families. That's a scary number. Is adoption right for everyone? No way. There are plenty of people who "can't love someone else's kid". If that's your attitude...don't adopt. I, however, am not loving someone else's kid...I'm loving MY FOUR kids. And when someone has both bio and adopted children...don't assume adoption was the second choice or second best...it was simply a way to grow a family.
Some just don't want to be pregnant. I'll tell ya it wasn't a fun time for me! I puked...alot. All the time. For most of all three of my successful pregnancies. I spent some time in the hospital, had high blood pressure, and was pretty miserable to live with while pregnant. Sure one mention of growing our family and I'd be knocked up but that doesn't make my bio kids any better than my adopted kid. I've blogged/talked openly about how we came to adopt. We didn't venture to the biology side with kid 4. Did we talk about it? Sure. But it simply wasn't a good choice...wasn't our 1st choice for adding to our family...adoption was the 1st choice. And honestly, it would be my 1st choice again in a second if we could add to our family again. I could care less about being pregnant, but adoption, I'd be all over that in a second.
So why do you think adoption is seen as the backup plan? Oh...couldn't get pregnant huh? Had to adopt? I think a huge piece of this is how society sees adoption. I think we're stuck in the mindset that having "our own kids" is how it should be...or is better. I think because adoption used to be such a secret that we don't hear enough about it and there are soooo many misconceptions. But, like anything else, if you do some research and ask some questions...you can get through it. People will go to amazing lengths to have biological children. All kinds of medical procedures, drugs, tests, bed rest, the list goes on. Sure, there's a crap load of paperwork involved in adopting...but way easier than 30 weeks of bed rest! Sure there are unknowns...medical stuff that could come up...but isn't that the case in biology as well? Parenthood is a complete crap shoot no matter how you get there. Giving birth to biological children is no guarantee that you'll get a perfectly healthy kid.
There is also the concept that a bond with an adopted child won't be as strong as the biology bond. Gotta tell ya, soooo not true. I did not bond at all with one of my bio kids for a solid year. Did I care for that kid? Yup. Did I enjoy it? Nope. I went through the motions and did what I needed to do cause I am the Mother. It took a long time for me to bond with that kid. Keeghan was "mine" from second one. I connected with her and loved her far more than I can explain. She certainly didn't feel the same about me. I had to work to earn her trust. But it wasn't really work to me...taking care of that bio kid...THAT was work. Obviously this is different for everyone but I'm here to tell ya that biology doesn't guarantee a bond.
So what am I getting at? Adoption isn't second best. It's a way to grow a family just like pregnancy. There are on the idea of 147 MILLION children in this world without families. That's a scary number. Is adoption right for everyone? No way. There are plenty of people who "can't love someone else's kid". If that's your attitude...don't adopt. I, however, am not loving someone else's kid...I'm loving MY FOUR kids. And when someone has both bio and adopted children...don't assume adoption was the second choice or second best...it was simply a way to grow a family.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
4 years ago...
It was 4 years ago that the idea of adoption was discussed for real in our house. We were headed out the door to a soccer practice when Doug sorta threw on my lap "if you really want another daughter we can adopt one from China". I was a bit like "HUH????!!!!"....and out the door we went. There were some serious discussions over the next few days. Adoption, another pregnancy, not to add to our family, international adoption, domestic adoption....and on and on. Adding to our family through an international adoption quickly became the front runner and we spent our 15th wedding anniversary in a hot room at an info meeting for our adoption agency. We did manage a nice dinner at the Cheesecake Factory too, after said meeting and a phone call to some friends to confirm that we hadn't totally lost our minds (friends who also have a daughter that was born in China and came home with the help of the same agency). We started paperwork, talked to the big kids, and did more paperwork thinking we were in for a 2-3 year wait to bring home a daughter. Little did we know our daughter was making her way into this world thousands of miles away...
Fast forward a year to the end of July 2008 when we found Keeghan's file on a list of waiting children and began the very real process of deciding if we could add this child to our family. It was the day after her 1st birthday (7/30) that we locked her file at 5pm on a Wednesday night when I was on my way to work and Doug was having his soccer team over to tie die socks...that's how we roll around here. We were up til midnight writing our Letter of Intent and panicking about whether or not we'd done the right thing. The next few months of approvals and waiting dragged but the miracle of having Keeghan home with us for Christmas came true.
2 1/2 years later there are days I forget Keeghan hasn't always been with us but there are other days I feel like we just met. Sleep is still a challenge for us. It's better for sure. The nights of being up for hours on end with a very unhappy little girl are mostly gone. There are nights of nightmares though or of waking because it's too...hot, cold, windy, dark, light, the blankets are wrong, there's no more water in the cup, there's a stray book on the floor...but overall sleep is better. Naptime is, very sadly, a thing of the past but my girl has an internal clock that gets her up at 5:50am no matter what. Although I'm a morning person, I like my quiet time to get up and get my workout and shower in without, ummmm, help.
Keeghan still loves her food and has certainly developed a sweet tooth but she loves a good salad too. And noodles...this kid LOVES noodles. We are past needing to have food in her hands 24/7 but don't make her wait too long if she's hungry cause that gets UGLY. I keep snacks in my car as we're on the go alot and don't really expect her to wait a long time to eat if she tells me she's hungry. And I still feed her pretty often. She'll even ask me once in a while "you feed me?".
Early on I fed her as much as she'd let me for bonding purposes and I suppose it certainly fits that bill now as well. I promise her often that "Ma Ma always comes back." and "I will love you forever and ever." and "I'll be your Ma Ma forever." but actions speak louder than words and feeding her serves to show that I'll take care of her. I still carry Keeghan once in a while and let her sit on my lap as much as she wants (despite her 43+ lbs being a bit much). I cuddle with her and read every night when I tuck her into bed. Make sure to make lots of eye contact. Bonding is a process. A kid who has lost not only a biological family and then her nannies knows that people SAY they're going to take care of you but then disappear. Keeghan was MORE than aware that I was taking her from those who cared for her and was FAR from happy about it. Losing your family, your comfort, your bed, your clothes, your language, your culture, your food...everything is traumatic and I don't blame my princess a bit for not being so sure that we're not going to disappear too. I'm sure we will hit phases of development that will bring many more questions and concerns.
We talk about China, about the fact that Keeghan has a birth mother, that her nannies took care of her, that we couldn't wait for her to be in our family, that she has beautiful black hair, that everyone is born different, that all families look different. We answer questions as they come up. We love her and she has grown to love us. Keeghan is usually ok with me going to work or coming to the gym with me where she goes to the daycare. There are still days I get a quiet little girl who clearly doesn't want me to go and it kills me. I'm sure we will eventually get to the point where someone besides me can put her to bed without major drama or I can run an errand without 10 minutes of hugs and kisses and reassurance before I go. I hope that someday, Keeghan will know how much we love her and that we really are her FOREVER family.
Keeghan's lymphedema has proved to cause more problems with people saying stupid things than medical issues...so far anyway. Her swelling is worse in the hot, humid weather when it's more difficult to wrap her arm. We massage as we can but gentle massage on a small child results in more giggling than massaging. I try and sneak massage time in when we're cuddled on the bed or couch and sometimes Keeghan will even ask to be massaged. The swelling certainly hasn't gone down as much as we had hoped but we also have not undergone intense treatment as Keeghan isn't all that fond of strangers touching her so getting her to allow a therapist to massage her for a solid hour a couple weeks in a row probably isn't worth the trauma. We have been lucky that Keeghan has not had any infections though we certainly panic anytime we see a red spot on her bad side. We handle stupid comments without much flair because I don't want Keeghan to think there is a reason to react strongly. If someone asks what happened to her hand I will typically respond with "Nothing, she has a congenital medical condition." and leave it at that. If a child asks I simply say "Nothing she was born that way." and Keeghan will often pipe in with "That's just my hand." or "Everyone's different.". So, for now, it's not a big deal to any of us though I'm sure that will change as she gets older and kids get meaner. I hope we can instill the confidence she will need to get through the idiots in this world who can't see past her swollen hand to the amazing little girl she is.
Fast forward a year to the end of July 2008 when we found Keeghan's file on a list of waiting children and began the very real process of deciding if we could add this child to our family. It was the day after her 1st birthday (7/30) that we locked her file at 5pm on a Wednesday night when I was on my way to work and Doug was having his soccer team over to tie die socks...that's how we roll around here. We were up til midnight writing our Letter of Intent and panicking about whether or not we'd done the right thing. The next few months of approvals and waiting dragged but the miracle of having Keeghan home with us for Christmas came true.
2 1/2 years later there are days I forget Keeghan hasn't always been with us but there are other days I feel like we just met. Sleep is still a challenge for us. It's better for sure. The nights of being up for hours on end with a very unhappy little girl are mostly gone. There are nights of nightmares though or of waking because it's too...hot, cold, windy, dark, light, the blankets are wrong, there's no more water in the cup, there's a stray book on the floor...but overall sleep is better. Naptime is, very sadly, a thing of the past but my girl has an internal clock that gets her up at 5:50am no matter what. Although I'm a morning person, I like my quiet time to get up and get my workout and shower in without, ummmm, help.
Keeghan still loves her food and has certainly developed a sweet tooth but she loves a good salad too. And noodles...this kid LOVES noodles. We are past needing to have food in her hands 24/7 but don't make her wait too long if she's hungry cause that gets UGLY. I keep snacks in my car as we're on the go alot and don't really expect her to wait a long time to eat if she tells me she's hungry. And I still feed her pretty often. She'll even ask me once in a while "you feed me?".
Early on I fed her as much as she'd let me for bonding purposes and I suppose it certainly fits that bill now as well. I promise her often that "Ma Ma always comes back." and "I will love you forever and ever." and "I'll be your Ma Ma forever." but actions speak louder than words and feeding her serves to show that I'll take care of her. I still carry Keeghan once in a while and let her sit on my lap as much as she wants (despite her 43+ lbs being a bit much). I cuddle with her and read every night when I tuck her into bed. Make sure to make lots of eye contact. Bonding is a process. A kid who has lost not only a biological family and then her nannies knows that people SAY they're going to take care of you but then disappear. Keeghan was MORE than aware that I was taking her from those who cared for her and was FAR from happy about it. Losing your family, your comfort, your bed, your clothes, your language, your culture, your food...everything is traumatic and I don't blame my princess a bit for not being so sure that we're not going to disappear too. I'm sure we will hit phases of development that will bring many more questions and concerns.
We talk about China, about the fact that Keeghan has a birth mother, that her nannies took care of her, that we couldn't wait for her to be in our family, that she has beautiful black hair, that everyone is born different, that all families look different. We answer questions as they come up. We love her and she has grown to love us. Keeghan is usually ok with me going to work or coming to the gym with me where she goes to the daycare. There are still days I get a quiet little girl who clearly doesn't want me to go and it kills me. I'm sure we will eventually get to the point where someone besides me can put her to bed without major drama or I can run an errand without 10 minutes of hugs and kisses and reassurance before I go. I hope that someday, Keeghan will know how much we love her and that we really are her FOREVER family.
Keeghan's lymphedema has proved to cause more problems with people saying stupid things than medical issues...so far anyway. Her swelling is worse in the hot, humid weather when it's more difficult to wrap her arm. We massage as we can but gentle massage on a small child results in more giggling than massaging. I try and sneak massage time in when we're cuddled on the bed or couch and sometimes Keeghan will even ask to be massaged. The swelling certainly hasn't gone down as much as we had hoped but we also have not undergone intense treatment as Keeghan isn't all that fond of strangers touching her so getting her to allow a therapist to massage her for a solid hour a couple weeks in a row probably isn't worth the trauma. We have been lucky that Keeghan has not had any infections though we certainly panic anytime we see a red spot on her bad side. We handle stupid comments without much flair because I don't want Keeghan to think there is a reason to react strongly. If someone asks what happened to her hand I will typically respond with "Nothing, she has a congenital medical condition." and leave it at that. If a child asks I simply say "Nothing she was born that way." and Keeghan will often pipe in with "That's just my hand." or "Everyone's different.". So, for now, it's not a big deal to any of us though I'm sure that will change as she gets older and kids get meaner. I hope we can instill the confidence she will need to get through the idiots in this world who can't see past her swollen hand to the amazing little girl she is.
Monday, July 25, 2011
3 years ago today...
I saw my little princess for the first time. After 2 days of frantically researching lymphedema we decided we needed to see the file of this little girl. I tried calling my agency out of an email I had but somehow or another the number was off so I sent a quick email and got a phone call back. The in house SW was going to send me the file with medical info and pictures. PICTURES I said??? I'm not sure if I want to see pictures...I didn't want to fall in love with a cute little face and ignore the facts and I knew that would be tough if there were pictures. But, the SW said...I want you to see what her hand looks like. She did offer to blur out the face in the pictures but I finally said no, if I'm going to see pictures I want to see her. And minutes later I got an email with medical info, some development stuff, comments her nannies had made about her personality...and those pictures. I'll never forget the cute pouty lips and crazy hair. As a matter of fact Keeghan and I were looking at pictures the other night when she looked at one of the pictures that came with her file and said "What happened to my hair?". It seems crazy that it's been 3 years already....those pouty lips smile more these days and the hair is not as crazy but she's every bit as beautiful as those pictures!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
More sleep woes...
I thought at some point we'd gotten to the "ok" point with sleep. Waking up some but I was not feeling sleep deprived or frustrated. Then we slipped backwards to hearing "mama......mama.....mama" several times a night. Sure a quick trip to fix blankets or get more water and she'd go back to sleep but I wouldn't. And even when I did get back to sleep getting woken up 2,3,4 times a night meant not such good sleep. Anyone that knows me knows I'm not so good without sleep.
Keeghan moved from her crib to her big girl bed a few weeks ago. We knew it had to happen at some point and after she'd gone for a few naps without argument we asked her if she wanted to take her crib down and she was all about some tools. We took the crib down, went to the mall to buy to buy new special sheets for the big girl bed....all was ok. Until we tried to go to bed when Keeghan decided she wanted her crib back. I simply told her the crib was gone and she could sleep in her big girl bed. And she did.
But we are still getting up in the middle of the night with excuses like "fix my blankets" or "I all done". Really? at 2am you're all done? I don't think so cause I sure as hell am not done! There usually isn't crying or being upset. Just seems she wants to say hi. I love this kid...really. She's adorable (and will tell you as much), funny, pretty easy going...but at 3am when I want to sleep I'm a bit grouchy and not so in love. After being up several times on Monday night I was pretty tired so when the cycle started again Tuesday, I checked on Keeghan once (to discover she just wanted to say hi) and then decided to let her fuss it out the second time she started calling to me. Well, after over and hour of that...I lost it a bit and told her pretty loudly that it was time to close her mouth and go to sleep. And she did...or at least she was quiet so I got another 1/2 hour of sleep before it was time to get up for real.
I'm at a total loss. She's not a light sleeper (this kid can sleep though the dogs running around barking when she's out), she's not telling me she's scared, she has a nightlight, the hall light is on, the door is closed (all at her request), she has a noise machine, she isn't sick...so what's the issue? Is is an attachment thing? Is she worried I'm gonna take off on her in the middle of the night and this is her way of making sure I'm there? (She often tell me "Make sure you go to bed" when I put her to bed) Is her lymphedema an issue? She certainly never complains of her swollen limbs being painful but is that just because she's so used to it and it really is bothering her and more so at night? I can't find rhyme or reason to whether or not wrapping her helps. Is it just what it is...that she's not a good sleeper? Is it a new phase of independence that's causgin her stress?
Today I realized Keeghan has recently started getting out of the car at school "by herself" (ie I'm not allowed to come out and walk her to line) and I wonder if maybe the worse sleep this week is a result of this new step in independence. But we also had a busy week last week and I worked an extra day so maybe that's what happened? Really, it's a whole lotta guessing going on in my head. My current strategy is that IF she stays in bed, quietly, all night, she gets a sticker. There was excitement about this last night...and it worked so she got a sticker (though I'm pretty sure I heard her awake at 5:45 this morning when I was sneaking out for a run). I'll cross my fingers that it works again tonight but I'm certainly not gonna hold my breath!
Keeghan moved from her crib to her big girl bed a few weeks ago. We knew it had to happen at some point and after she'd gone for a few naps without argument we asked her if she wanted to take her crib down and she was all about some tools. We took the crib down, went to the mall to buy to buy new special sheets for the big girl bed....all was ok. Until we tried to go to bed when Keeghan decided she wanted her crib back. I simply told her the crib was gone and she could sleep in her big girl bed. And she did.
But we are still getting up in the middle of the night with excuses like "fix my blankets" or "I all done". Really? at 2am you're all done? I don't think so cause I sure as hell am not done! There usually isn't crying or being upset. Just seems she wants to say hi. I love this kid...really. She's adorable (and will tell you as much), funny, pretty easy going...but at 3am when I want to sleep I'm a bit grouchy and not so in love. After being up several times on Monday night I was pretty tired so when the cycle started again Tuesday, I checked on Keeghan once (to discover she just wanted to say hi) and then decided to let her fuss it out the second time she started calling to me. Well, after over and hour of that...I lost it a bit and told her pretty loudly that it was time to close her mouth and go to sleep. And she did...or at least she was quiet so I got another 1/2 hour of sleep before it was time to get up for real.
I'm at a total loss. She's not a light sleeper (this kid can sleep though the dogs running around barking when she's out), she's not telling me she's scared, she has a nightlight, the hall light is on, the door is closed (all at her request), she has a noise machine, she isn't sick...so what's the issue? Is is an attachment thing? Is she worried I'm gonna take off on her in the middle of the night and this is her way of making sure I'm there? (She often tell me "Make sure you go to bed" when I put her to bed) Is her lymphedema an issue? She certainly never complains of her swollen limbs being painful but is that just because she's so used to it and it really is bothering her and more so at night? I can't find rhyme or reason to whether or not wrapping her helps. Is it just what it is...that she's not a good sleeper? Is it a new phase of independence that's causgin her stress?
Today I realized Keeghan has recently started getting out of the car at school "by herself" (ie I'm not allowed to come out and walk her to line) and I wonder if maybe the worse sleep this week is a result of this new step in independence. But we also had a busy week last week and I worked an extra day so maybe that's what happened? Really, it's a whole lotta guessing going on in my head. My current strategy is that IF she stays in bed, quietly, all night, she gets a sticker. There was excitement about this last night...and it worked so she got a sticker (though I'm pretty sure I heard her awake at 5:45 this morning when I was sneaking out for a run). I'll cross my fingers that it works again tonight but I'm certainly not gonna hold my breath!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Firsts
The post was born from the sadness I felt in taking Keeghan's crib down yesterday. It was very sad for me to watch. I remember bringing the crib home and putting it together...being SOOO excited to be adding a little girl to our family. Being so ready to bring Keeghan home. So it was sad for me to put that piece of her life away. Knowing there will be no more cribs in my house (well...maybe Grandchildren someday). Keeghan had fun taking the crib apart. We went and bought new sheets for her "big girl bed" (twin bed that's been in her room all along). She picked Hello Kitty. It was all ok with her until bedtime when she told me she wanted her "cribby". She tried to tell me she should sleep in my bed but ultimately went to sleep in her big girl bed and stayed there for the night.
This morning, while running, the sadness hit me again. And running is a good time to think...I started thinking about all the firsts that I never had with Keeghan. Feeling her move in my belly the first time. Seeing her first smile, watching her roll over, crawl, take her first steps. So many big milestones that she didn't have a Mama for. Remembering how Kennedy learned to crawl to get to a piece of pizza or Devon taking his first steps on Christmas Eve or Carson pulling herself up at the dishwasher while I was doing dishes. There are so many memories that come with watching your children grow. And then I realized that though I missed 18 months of firsts...Keeghan's birth parents are missing a lifetime of firsts. They didn't see her first steps or hear her first word. They didn't get to bring her to pick out sheets for her big girl bed or help her celebrate potty training success. They'll never get to see her dance and they won't have the joy of the 5 babies Keeghan says she wants to have. It makes me so sad. I'll never know the circumstances surrounding Keeghan being left. I'll never pretend to understand. I'll just take all the joy she brings me with all the stress and remember how lucky I am to be a Mom.
This morning, while running, the sadness hit me again. And running is a good time to think...I started thinking about all the firsts that I never had with Keeghan. Feeling her move in my belly the first time. Seeing her first smile, watching her roll over, crawl, take her first steps. So many big milestones that she didn't have a Mama for. Remembering how Kennedy learned to crawl to get to a piece of pizza or Devon taking his first steps on Christmas Eve or Carson pulling herself up at the dishwasher while I was doing dishes. There are so many memories that come with watching your children grow. And then I realized that though I missed 18 months of firsts...Keeghan's birth parents are missing a lifetime of firsts. They didn't see her first steps or hear her first word. They didn't get to bring her to pick out sheets for her big girl bed or help her celebrate potty training success. They'll never get to see her dance and they won't have the joy of the 5 babies Keeghan says she wants to have. It makes me so sad. I'll never know the circumstances surrounding Keeghan being left. I'll never pretend to understand. I'll just take all the joy she brings me with all the stress and remember how lucky I am to be a Mom.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Where we're at
Keeghan is really becoming quite a little character lately. She is much less shy than she used to be and is willing to try some new things. She's come to like playing in the snow (assuming it's not too cold out...today was too cold and she was back in pretty quick) and has even done some sledding. She'll run like a mad woman at the indoor playground at the mall where before she would go down the smallest slide IF you stood with her while she did it. The other day she was running around, going down slides, jumping off things and dancing. Quite a difference! I'm hoping that this means our upcoming trip to Disney World will not be a week of Keeghan clinging to my leg and not going on any rides. We will see...
Sleep is still a challenge. We are up at least once a night to "fix my blankies" and I'm past done with that. I'm not convinced moving her to a bed will mean better sleeping so Keeghan is still in her crib. But I'm not really sure where to go at this point. She does (99.9%) of the time go right back to sleep but I don't. I end up awake for hours which is not fun. There's only so many Jersey Shore re-runs one can watch at 3am.
Sleep is still a challenge. We are up at least once a night to "fix my blankies" and I'm past done with that. I'm not convinced moving her to a bed will mean better sleeping so Keeghan is still in her crib. But I'm not really sure where to go at this point. She does (99.9%) of the time go right back to sleep but I don't. I end up awake for hours which is not fun. There's only so many Jersey Shore re-runs one can watch at 3am.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
That's the crew of kids we brought with us to our adoption agency's Chinese New Year celebration. We let each of the older kids choose a friend to bring. They're teenage enough that kids crafts and a Dragon Dance aren't terribly exciting...nor was the hour car ride to get there but each of them having a friend helped minimize the complaints. Everyone seemed to have fun. The big girls got to make some nice bracelets while Keeghan danced and did arts and crafts. The highlight of the party, however, was Keeghan getting to dance with the Rabbit after the Dragon Dance. She was SOOOO excited that the rabbit held her hand and danced with her...right until the Dragon came up behind her.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I've been remiss
I know, updates have been few and far between. Perhaps because we've hit our new normal...only took 2 years. I feel, most days, like I'm functioning well. I don't forget as much (though I almost walked out of the grocery store without milk yesterday) and I am put together most days. The kids certainly keep me going. The 3 big kids are playing sports and involved in school stuff which means I run around picking them up and dropping them off places. And that also means Keeghan gets dragged around picking kids up and dropping them off. It's fortunate that she's a good sport about that. And she does enjoy watching her brother and sisters play soccer or basketball.
Keeghan is doing ok with school. She's still clingy when I drop her off and typically needs a teacher to take her by the hand to get her into school. I'm sure the crazy Christmas hours I worked as well as Christmas break and all the crazy snow days we've had are partially responsible for that. This morning, on the way to school she proudly announced she was "going to let go your leg Mama". Oooorrrrrr she was going to grab onto me and not let go at all. She doesn't cry and when I pick her up she tells me about all the fun she had at school but I still cringe when I have to peel her off my leg : (
Sleep...still a challenge. Keeghan is still in a crib. I've tried enticing her into a bed. I've offered the chance to pick a new toy, sheets, blankets. I've even offered her the silk quilt from China that's hanging on her wall. No dice. "I wanna sleep my cribby!" That's pretty much what I get. Keeghan's big...40lbs and 41ish inches tall. She barely fits in the crib and if we slept all night 98% of the time I wouldn't care. But we're up once or twice a night to fix blankets or cause Keeghan is "all done". Ugh. I thought I'd solved our sleep issues a while back but clearly that's not the case. I guess, at this point, she'll stay in a crib until we're sleeping better and then I'll screw that all up by taking the crib away. One challenge at a time.
Keeghan continues to amaze us with how smart she is. She knows her letters (most upper and lower case), her numbers, colors, shapes (I was told the other day her crib is rectangle shaped), and how to count in English, Spanish, and Mandarin. She will "read" a book using the story she's heard (she LOVES to be read to) and picture clues and even has a book or two totally memorized. She can write a few letters (K and E are two of them) and knows some letter sounds. She loves to dance and listen to music and has come to like watching Kai Lan, Dora, Calliou, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and our Believe DVD (the Shamu show). She does not like the snow but is good about putting on a hat and mittens when we go out in the cold. She still needs time to take in her surroundings before adventuring away from me. She loves to sit on my lap and is perfectly happy to cuddle but doesn't love giving hugs or kisses. I try not to push it by constantly asking for hugs or kisses. It's not worth it making her resent physical contact. I know I'm not a fan of people touching me all the time so I can relate.
Speaking of which, little Miss Princess wants to sit on my lap so that'll end this long over due update!
Keeghan is doing ok with school. She's still clingy when I drop her off and typically needs a teacher to take her by the hand to get her into school. I'm sure the crazy Christmas hours I worked as well as Christmas break and all the crazy snow days we've had are partially responsible for that. This morning, on the way to school she proudly announced she was "going to let go your leg Mama". Oooorrrrrr she was going to grab onto me and not let go at all. She doesn't cry and when I pick her up she tells me about all the fun she had at school but I still cringe when I have to peel her off my leg : (
Sleep...still a challenge. Keeghan is still in a crib. I've tried enticing her into a bed. I've offered the chance to pick a new toy, sheets, blankets. I've even offered her the silk quilt from China that's hanging on her wall. No dice. "I wanna sleep my cribby!" That's pretty much what I get. Keeghan's big...40lbs and 41ish inches tall. She barely fits in the crib and if we slept all night 98% of the time I wouldn't care. But we're up once or twice a night to fix blankets or cause Keeghan is "all done". Ugh. I thought I'd solved our sleep issues a while back but clearly that's not the case. I guess, at this point, she'll stay in a crib until we're sleeping better and then I'll screw that all up by taking the crib away. One challenge at a time.
Keeghan continues to amaze us with how smart she is. She knows her letters (most upper and lower case), her numbers, colors, shapes (I was told the other day her crib is rectangle shaped), and how to count in English, Spanish, and Mandarin. She will "read" a book using the story she's heard (she LOVES to be read to) and picture clues and even has a book or two totally memorized. She can write a few letters (K and E are two of them) and knows some letter sounds. She loves to dance and listen to music and has come to like watching Kai Lan, Dora, Calliou, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and our Believe DVD (the Shamu show). She does not like the snow but is good about putting on a hat and mittens when we go out in the cold. She still needs time to take in her surroundings before adventuring away from me. She loves to sit on my lap and is perfectly happy to cuddle but doesn't love giving hugs or kisses. I try not to push it by constantly asking for hugs or kisses. It's not worth it making her resent physical contact. I know I'm not a fan of people touching me all the time so I can relate.
Speaking of which, little Miss Princess wants to sit on my lap so that'll end this long over due update!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
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