Second Best?

So I was just reading a thread on an adoption board about adoption being second best and I got to thinking.  Biology is a strong drive and I think we (as a society) view it as THE way to grow a family.  Get pregnant, have baby, good job.  Some have trouble with the "get pregnant" part...and are lead to adoption to grow their family.  Does that mean adoption is second best? Or just a second choice?  Kinda like getting pregnant...most times the first choice is to get pregnant without any ahhhhh, extra involvement?  That doesn't always work out so there's help out there...IVF, IUI, just some drugs...does that mean kids that come to a family via those methods are second best? 

Some just don't want to be pregnant.  I'll tell ya it wasn't a fun time for me!  I puked...alot.  All the time.  For most of all three of my successful pregnancies.  I spent some time in the hospital, had high blood pressure, and was pretty miserable to live with while pregnant.  Sure one mention of growing our family and I'd be knocked up but that doesn't make my bio kids any better than my adopted kid.  I've blogged/talked openly about how we came to adopt.  We didn't venture to the biology side with kid 4.  Did we talk about it?  Sure.  But it simply wasn't a good choice...wasn't our 1st choice for adding to our family...adoption was the 1st choice.  And honestly, it would be my 1st choice again in a second if we could add to our family again.  I could care less about being pregnant, but adoption, I'd be all over that in a second. 

So why do you think adoption is seen as the backup plan?  Oh...couldn't get pregnant huh?  Had to adopt?  I think a huge piece of this is how society sees adoption.  I think we're stuck in the mindset that having "our own kids" is how it should be...or is better.  I think because adoption used to be such a secret that we don't hear enough about it and there are soooo many misconceptions.  But, like anything else, if you do some research and ask some questions...you can get through it.  People will go to amazing lengths to have biological children.  All kinds of medical procedures, drugs, tests, bed rest, the list goes on.  Sure, there's a crap load of paperwork involved in adopting...but way easier than 30 weeks of bed rest!  Sure there are unknowns...medical stuff that could come up...but isn't that the case in biology as well?  Parenthood is a complete crap shoot no matter how you get there.  Giving birth to biological children is no guarantee that you'll get a perfectly healthy kid. 

There is also the concept that a bond with an adopted child won't be as strong as the biology bond.  Gotta tell ya, soooo not true.  I did not bond at all with one of my bio kids for a solid year.  Did I care for that kid?  Yup.  Did I enjoy it?  Nope.  I went through the motions and did what I needed to do cause I am the Mother.  It took a long time for me to bond with that kid.  Keeghan was "mine" from second one.  I connected with her and loved her far more than I can explain.  She certainly didn't feel the same about me.  I had to work to earn her trust.  But it wasn't really work to me...taking care of that bio kid...THAT was work.  Obviously this is different for everyone but I'm here to tell ya that biology doesn't guarantee a bond. 

So what am I getting at?  Adoption isn't second best.  It's a way to grow a family just like pregnancy.  There are on the idea of 147 MILLION children in this world without families.  That's a scary number.  Is adoption right for everyone?  No way.  There are plenty of people who "can't love someone else's kid".  If that's your attitude...don't adopt.  I, however, am not loving someone else's kid...I'm loving MY FOUR kids.  And when someone has both bio and adopted children...don't assume adoption was the second choice or second best...it was simply a way to grow a family.