Pictures

Christmas traditions...

Christmas Eve each of the kids gets new "Christmas Jammies" to wear to bed.

And then they each get a new ornament to hang on the tree...we try and get something that is appropriate to the kid for that particular year.

Hanging our stockings...

Christmas morning opening gifts...

Enjoying our new guitar...being a rockstar : )

Christmas 2009

Christmas last year was great just because I'd made it home from China with Keeghan so we were all together. Keeghan and I were jet lagged and still adjusting to US time. Keeghan was still totally overwhelmed with all the changes that were going on but it was great to have her home for Christmas.

This year was great fun! Keeghan kinda gets the whole Christmas thing. She was excited for presents (and was just asking me for more presents!) and had fun playing with her new things. It took a good 5 hours for her to get all her things opened this morning. Not because there were so many things but because she wanted to play and for the most part we let her. No need to force her to rip through presents and not enjoy her new things. Keeghan is just catching on to things being "MINE" and I think she likes the idea. Some of the big hits of the day were the Tickle Me Elmo, an "electric" guitar, a Fisher Price laptop, and a play microwave.

Keeghan was up on the early side...as usual. Carson was up with her and Kennedy was up soon after so we sent Keeghan to wake up her brother so we could enjoy Christmas morning together. Keeghan knocked on Devon's door, opened it and promptly went "boom" onto Devon. So much for a gentle wake up! The big kids were terrific about getting up nicely and they got stuff they loved so everyone had a good morning.

I hope everyone had a great holiday and had a chance to spend time with their families and friends today...I know I did! I do have pictures but I'll post those another time as I need to get the little princess off to bed.

Bonding and attachment a year later...

I've talked a bunch about attachment and bonding over the past year. Not cause it's fun but because it's work. It's work with bio kids too...just not as thought about. All those middle of the night feedings and diaper changes and walking carrying a baby...all in the name of bonding and attachment. Letting them learn that you'll be there to take care of them even if you're fall down tired or sick or sick and tired of it. That (typically) works in a newborn adoption as well but a toddler (or older child) gets that they are no longer with whomever was taking care of them and you have to win them over. Not in the treats and toys sense (though fun games and food certainly help) but in the I'm here to take care of you no matter how much you don't want it sense.

Keeghan came to me screaming and kicking. She was very reserved and not cuddly at all. I was allowed to carry her and feed her because I was all she had. I've done what I can to reassure her that she will always have food. That I will always take care of her. That hitting is not ok. That listening gets you what you want (more often than not) where as screaming and running off don't. I've worked to give Keeghan space and not force physical affection on her. I've put her to bed 370ish nights and gotten up countless times at 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 (or all of those)A.M. I've shared candy from my mouth to hers to sneak eye contact and kisses. I've stuck stickers all over our faces to make eye contact. I've carried her 30-35lb frame more often than not. I limited her contact with others and am still hesitant to let her go to other people. There are still only a few people outside our family I allow to hold Keeghan. She still isn't sure of physical boundaries with others so limiting who holds her or has physical contact with her is still important.

We had some trouble over the past month with my working too much. I think it was affecting Keeghan so I cut back to be home to put her down for naps and be home when she gets up (most days). It was also becoming clear that Keeghan was using Carson as a surrogate Ma Ma which is not good. There are times we have to physically separate them to be sure Keeghan comes to me or Doug for what she needs. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE that my girls love one another and Carson is a HUGE help but she is NOT Keeghan's Ma Ma and we have to make sure Keeghan knows that no matter how hard it is.

I think it's all paid off. Keeghan finally cuddles up to me when I put her to bed. She rubs her face against mine and plays with my hair. She'll sink into my lap instead of just sitting on it. She'll actually hug me when she puts her arms around me and hold on like she means it. She runs to me when I get home from work. She looks for me to go to bed and when she's not happy. She often tucks her head into me if a stranger says hi and she is typically hesitant with people she doesn't know. She seems happy and is growing and learning. I hope we can continue to meet her needs and answer her questions and help her grow into a terrific young woman. One year home is just the beginning. There is still much work to do but there is plenty of work with all the kids if we are to consider ourselves successful parents.

1 Year "Gotcha" Anniversary

A year ago today I was handed a screaming, kicking, pushing toddler who wanted NOTHING to do with a Ma Ma. Today I've got a (mostly) happy, hugging, kissing, hand holding, strong willed toddler that we love from here to the moon (and maybe back). We celebrated this anniversary by having dinner with some travel mates which was great! The girls enjoyed eating, playing with stickers, taking pictures and even yelling a bit while we had some great Chinese food. A wonderful way to celebrate this past year. I do have some attachment stuff to post about but not right now. Just want to enjoy our gotcha anniversary!

Traded

Keeghan's been home almost a year now. We've worked hard to assure her we are here for her and will not leave her on her own. We've set appropriate limits, given tons of love and hugs and kisses, spent hours awake at night hoping for everyone to sleep, watched Keeghan learn to laugh and play and love...all the joys that come with the first year of parenthood.

As Keeghan and I have become more secure, I've been working more. Especially now that Christmas is approaching. I worked close to 40 hours last week (YIKES...it's been literally a year since that's happened) and Keeghan has had lots of Ba Ba, Jie Jie, and Ge Ge time. As a result, Ma Ma has been traded in! Keeghan is so much more willing to go with Doug over me and doesn't seem to have a need to be "on me" constantly. As a result, I'm worried about our bonding and attachment. I'd like to think it's a good thing that she's willing to branch out a bit but I worry that she's feeling abandoned by her Ma Ma.

Bonding is hard work. Taking the time to stop whatever I'm doing to be sure Keeghan and I can make eye contact or I can carry her or cuddle with her or getting up 5 times between 2 and 4 a.m. makes some days very long. But, having my princess run to me to give me a hug when I get home from work or pick her up after some time at the gym is amazing! 12 short months ago this little girl was VERY unhappy to be handed to me. Rightfully so. I've worked hard to teach her that I love her and will take care of her and I hope she's learning that I mean it.

We are so lucky that Keeghan was cared for as well as she was in the orphanage. A 16 month old walking and talking little girl coming from institutionalized care is amazing. I've seen children much older who can just pull themselves up and don't have the strength so do much else. I've seen children with rope marks on their bodies from being tied to their cribs or potty chairs. This is not to say Keeghan doesn't carry "scars" of her time in an orphanage. She does. We'll work hard to help her through them and to heal what we can but I think it's very important to remember that though Keeghan is with us and we love her, that doesn't negate the first 16 months of her life (or the 9 months she spent in her birth Mother's belly).