Traded

Keeghan's been home almost a year now. We've worked hard to assure her we are here for her and will not leave her on her own. We've set appropriate limits, given tons of love and hugs and kisses, spent hours awake at night hoping for everyone to sleep, watched Keeghan learn to laugh and play and love...all the joys that come with the first year of parenthood.

As Keeghan and I have become more secure, I've been working more. Especially now that Christmas is approaching. I worked close to 40 hours last week (YIKES...it's been literally a year since that's happened) and Keeghan has had lots of Ba Ba, Jie Jie, and Ge Ge time. As a result, Ma Ma has been traded in! Keeghan is so much more willing to go with Doug over me and doesn't seem to have a need to be "on me" constantly. As a result, I'm worried about our bonding and attachment. I'd like to think it's a good thing that she's willing to branch out a bit but I worry that she's feeling abandoned by her Ma Ma.

Bonding is hard work. Taking the time to stop whatever I'm doing to be sure Keeghan and I can make eye contact or I can carry her or cuddle with her or getting up 5 times between 2 and 4 a.m. makes some days very long. But, having my princess run to me to give me a hug when I get home from work or pick her up after some time at the gym is amazing! 12 short months ago this little girl was VERY unhappy to be handed to me. Rightfully so. I've worked hard to teach her that I love her and will take care of her and I hope she's learning that I mean it.

We are so lucky that Keeghan was cared for as well as she was in the orphanage. A 16 month old walking and talking little girl coming from institutionalized care is amazing. I've seen children much older who can just pull themselves up and don't have the strength so do much else. I've seen children with rope marks on their bodies from being tied to their cribs or potty chairs. This is not to say Keeghan doesn't carry "scars" of her time in an orphanage. She does. We'll work hard to help her through them and to heal what we can but I think it's very important to remember that though Keeghan is with us and we love her, that doesn't negate the first 16 months of her life (or the 9 months she spent in her birth Mother's belly).