Mommy gut

I tell people all the time my best parenting advice is to listen to your gut and do what's right for you and your family. Listen to all the advice people will give. Digest it. And then go with your gut. That said, my gut is telling me we still have some serious attachment work to do with Keeghan.

I see little things that can turn to bigger ones that are red flags. They could be things that could be passed off as 2 year old behaviour. Keeghan's 2...she's allowed to act it. BUT some of those things that can be passed off as "she's just 2" are also things that indicate some anxious attachment. My gut tells me I need to be careful and pay attention to these things and not pass them off as 2 year old behaviour.

This, however, at 10 months home is tough. Early on it was easy to tell people please don't pick her up or feed her. And honestly she was pretty much stuck to me. But now, I just look a bit crazy when saying those things and Keeghan is a bit more willing to venture off a bit. I do want Keeghan to broaden her horizons and venture out a bit but I don't want her far from me and I don't want anyone and everyone picking her up or giving her food or touching her in general. I have done alot of work over the past 10 months to be sure Keeghan feels safe with me and I don't want to back track now. Keeghan still needs to know I will answer her when she needs me and that I'll make sure she is safe and has food...etc, etc. I think, after almost a year with us it's easy for everyone to forget that Keeghan has lost more in her 2 years than alot of people do in their lives. She lived without us for almost 17 months...17 important months of her life. Babies learn early whether or not they will be answered when they cry. Whether or not it's worth it to get upset when they're hurt or sad. 10 months of my version of Mama love is not going to reverse that. It's a tough line to walk between 2 year old and 10 month old. All the literature tells you that with an adoptive child you need to turn back the clock to 0 when they come to you in terms of bonding and attachment and go from there. So, in those terms, I need to treat Keeghan like a 10 month old where limit setting isn't so necessary. Unfortunately, limit setting is VERY necessary with a 2 year old. It's difficult.

I'm still trying to let Keeghan decide how much physical affection she is willing to give. She says good night to everyone before bed but it's up to her whether it's with a hug or a kiss or a knuckle bump. Hugs and kisses aren't contingent upon anything...nor are knuckle bumps, high fives, or pats on the back. I will sometimes plant a kiss on Keeghan without her permission per say but I am the Mama...and I get to trust my gut.