Why did you adopt?

^ That's why : )

So I was just reading a forum discussion about this on an adoption board and got to thinking...is that really a question to ask? Does it matter? Do you really mean "Oh, you couldn't get pregnant"? Or are you genuinely curious about adoption and thinking about it yourself? I do not, at all, mind answering genuine questions. I love talking to other adoptive parents and waiting parents and of course I love talking about my kids but "why did you adopt?" is a question that I'm not always sure how to answer.

There are alot of reasons we chose to adopt and not all of them are things I feel comfortable sharing with just anyone. And once some of the reasons come out, more questions come behind them that I'm even less comfortable answering. You'll often get people who question your decision to adopt internationally as opposed to domestically and others who want the details of why you've chosen a specific country over another and then there's the added dilemma of the fact that perhaps you've adopted a child with a special need (Good Lord why would one do that!!!????). Sometimes you even get "how much did it cost?". Crap...did you really just ask me that??? Different people adopt from different places for MANY different reasons and it really doesn't matter who, what, how, when, where or why...it matters that they want to add to their family and are doing it in a way that is comfortable for them. Families come in many different forms and ours just looks different...and looking different seems to welcome complete strangers to ask questions.



I get far more odd looks and questions when I'm out with a combination of Keeghan and the other kids versus when I'm out with Keeghan alone but once a discussion starts about Keeghan and it comes up that I have three other children it's pretty inevitable the next question is "all adopted????". No, but all MY KIDS. I see more of a separation due to the kids ages than anything else...I've got big kids and a little kid not bio kids and an adopted kid. It's funny to see peoples faces when I say I have four kids...21 months, 10, 12, and 14. Assuming they don't know me and I don't have Keeghan with me their minds immediately go to "oh...whoops on that fourth one huh?". If they only knew : ) Then there's the "is she adopted" question when Doug and I are together...ah, either that or we've got some serious recessive genes going on! I might just, at some point, answer that question with "Shhh...he doesn't know.".


Anyway, I guess I just wish people would think before things come out of their mouths. And not just about adoption or racial differences or special needs, but in general. Would you appreciate my asking "Why did YOU choose to have or not to have kids?" Probably not cause it's none of my business.



Here's a link to a great article from O Magazine... http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200704_omag_adoption_8_things?cnn=yes