Random thoughts

I haven't been very good about blogging. Partly because I don't really have a ton to say. Partly because I imagine you all get tired of reading about the same stuff. Partly cause I'm a busy Mom to 4 kids. There are a million reasons.

I think I'm starting to get my groove back. I'm forgetting less and less and managing to keep the house together and laundry done and all that stuff. It feels good to not be such a scatter brain. I'm not good at that and it frustrates me. Sleep has become a struggle again. Keeghan is waking several times a night. Not crying but simply yelling for me. At first it was once or twice and she'd typically go back to sleep quickly after either Doug or myself went to her. But then it became more and more often and there were nights we were running up and down the stairs a bunch of times and up for hours. I decided last week to go back to being the sleep nazi. Not really sure how to describe my technique. I don't really have a specific method. It's more just going with my gut on when to go in and when to let Keeghan yell "MA MA". It seems to have helped. The past few nights she's been up less. Not saying we're out of the woods yet, but I'm hoping. Last night was crappy all around as we had a stupid snowstorm which knocked out power at 3am. This meant we had not monitor so I felt a need to sleep closer to Keeghan's room on the couch so I could hear her but this also meant hearing every noise every kid made, and the plows getting stuck on the road in front of the house, and the kittens, and and and...I was up for the day at 3am. Hopefully tonight will mean some sleep...

My other major struggle of the moment is guilt on not being with Keeghan 24/7. I know she needs me but she is in perfectly safe and capable hands when she's not with me (mostly with her Dad). I, however, feel a need to RUSH home from whatever I may be doing when I'm not with her. I don't feel like I can grocery shop or run an errand without her. Which of course is very annoying. Trying to do errands with a 2 1/2 year old ends up taking 20x longer than it should and typically ends in frustration. I put her to bed every night (ok, Doug has put her to bed twice) and come bedtime I'm SO ready for her to be in bed. I don't feel like I ever get one on one time with any of the other kids which isn't fair to them or me. I do get out some Friday nights with my girlfriends after I've put Keeghan to bed and that is such needed time for me. But I long for the comfort of saying "I'm running to the grocery store" or "I'm working late" or "Carson and I are going...where ever" without the guilt.

Finally, we've sort of started potty training. Keeghan's been showing interest in the potty for a while now but I refuse to push this issue. I have been waiting for her to really get into it more than just going once or twice a week. The past few days she's been asking to go a bunch and staying pretty dry so we're running with it. I'm not pushing it. She can wear a diaper if she wants or underwear. We'll get there I'm sure in our own time.