Saturday, April 7, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Delinquent...
I've been terrible about blog updates. We're at a point with Keeghan where life just goes on and there isn't day to day stuff to blog about. I'm busy with 4 kids...who are active in school and play sports which means I spend a LOT of time driving everyone around and cheering them on at various sporting events. These things all result in few updates. Today, however, is your lucky day!
Devon is about to turn 17 (really??? how the heck did that happen). He just finished up a season of high school hockey and is gearing up for lacrosse this spring. It's so fun to watch him interact with Keeghan. He will play princess Yahtzee or candyland for hours with her or even just let her hang out with him in his room. He's a fabulous big brother (not only to Keeghan but to Kennedy and Carson as well) and is growing into a responsible adult. He's certainly still a kid in many ways but is growing up all too quickly.
Kennedy will be 15 in a few months. She played indoor soccer for the winter and is back outside with the soccer team for the spring. She is also going to give spring track a try. I'm all for the kids being involved in school sports...keeps them busy and (mostly) out of trouble. Kennedy is a little less patient with Keeghan than Devon or Carson but will have "sissy time" at Keeghan's request. Kennedy and Keeghan butt heads often but it's funny to watch the two of them give each other trouble.
Carson is almost 13 and is finishing up basketball season. She played both for school and in the city rec league and was selected as an All Star for the city league. It was great to watch her confidence on the court grow this season. She is also thinking about spring track but is committed to a lot of soccer ref'ing for the spring. She's been chosen to officiate some high level games which is awesome for her. Carson continues to be terrific with Keeghan though once she's hit her limit she snaps a bit and just wants Keeghan to leave her alone with Keeghan doesn't always understand.
Keeghan is 4 1/2 and has been home a little over 3 years now. She continues to grow and learn and amaze us and drive us crazy. She loves school and has come so far! She still has her shy moments but is finally confident enough to run and play with friends at a birthday party or at the playground. Her stutter has improved tremendously but she is still getting speech services at school because we still get stuck now and then. We are hoping that Keeghan will be in the full day kindergarten class next fall...Keeghan is already talking about going to school all day and on Fridays (pre-school is mon-thurs). She would get to have gym class, art class, lunch at school and be part of a classroom similar to the pre-school environment she's in where a bit less than 1/2 the class is identified as special needs and the rest of the class is typically developing children. Except Keeghan is currently one of the identified students and in Kindergarten she would be one of the typicals.
In terms of attachment...we're getting there. It's a process that will go on forever I think. Keeghan will tell you that Ma Ma always comes back. She can tell you Ma Ma and Ba Ba take care of her. There are, however, plenty of instances where she is clearly unsure that I mean it. She still wakes often and night and wants me to fix her blankets or simply to see that I'm there. She's not a good sleeper at all which results in an often cranky Ma Ma because I need my sleep. I try and remember the almost 17 months she spent with other caregivers who didn't come back and probably couldn't always meet her needs as well as they should have been but at 3am when we've been up for hours and Keeghan wants me to tuck her blankets in not too high but not too low and not too tight...sometimes I get frustrated. I try to be in tune with what's going on in her head but I don't always get it right. The past couple weeks have been particularly bad sleep wise and we had a huge meltdown over nothing recently as well so I've made more of an effort to go backwards a bit with Keeghan. I'm feeding her a bit more and ensuring we get plenty of physical contact (the princess is in my lap as I type) as well as making sure I'm giving her my full attention when she needs it (as opposed to my typical multitasking!). Keeghan likes to know what to expect in a day and we have a pretty steady routine for weekdays which she knows but still asks about as I put her to bed. Over the holidays there were mornings that I left for work before Keeghan was out of bed (quite a feat given that she is typically up by 6am) and Keeghan was not ok with that. She likes knowing that even if I'm going to work she will see me before I go and even after 3 months of being back to a regular work schedule she still asks if she will see me in the morning before work. Certainly a sign that we've still got work to do. I try and stay true to my word and be here when I say I will and let her know who will be taking care of her if I am not...and that's a small group still.
Overall, I think we are moving forward which is all I can ask for...Keeghan's a smart funny girl who is a great addition to our family.
Devon is about to turn 17 (really??? how the heck did that happen). He just finished up a season of high school hockey and is gearing up for lacrosse this spring. It's so fun to watch him interact with Keeghan. He will play princess Yahtzee or candyland for hours with her or even just let her hang out with him in his room. He's a fabulous big brother (not only to Keeghan but to Kennedy and Carson as well) and is growing into a responsible adult. He's certainly still a kid in many ways but is growing up all too quickly.
Kennedy will be 15 in a few months. She played indoor soccer for the winter and is back outside with the soccer team for the spring. She is also going to give spring track a try. I'm all for the kids being involved in school sports...keeps them busy and (mostly) out of trouble. Kennedy is a little less patient with Keeghan than Devon or Carson but will have "sissy time" at Keeghan's request. Kennedy and Keeghan butt heads often but it's funny to watch the two of them give each other trouble.
Carson is almost 13 and is finishing up basketball season. She played both for school and in the city rec league and was selected as an All Star for the city league. It was great to watch her confidence on the court grow this season. She is also thinking about spring track but is committed to a lot of soccer ref'ing for the spring. She's been chosen to officiate some high level games which is awesome for her. Carson continues to be terrific with Keeghan though once she's hit her limit she snaps a bit and just wants Keeghan to leave her alone with Keeghan doesn't always understand.
Keeghan is 4 1/2 and has been home a little over 3 years now. She continues to grow and learn and amaze us and drive us crazy. She loves school and has come so far! She still has her shy moments but is finally confident enough to run and play with friends at a birthday party or at the playground. Her stutter has improved tremendously but she is still getting speech services at school because we still get stuck now and then. We are hoping that Keeghan will be in the full day kindergarten class next fall...Keeghan is already talking about going to school all day and on Fridays (pre-school is mon-thurs). She would get to have gym class, art class, lunch at school and be part of a classroom similar to the pre-school environment she's in where a bit less than 1/2 the class is identified as special needs and the rest of the class is typically developing children. Except Keeghan is currently one of the identified students and in Kindergarten she would be one of the typicals.
In terms of attachment...we're getting there. It's a process that will go on forever I think. Keeghan will tell you that Ma Ma always comes back. She can tell you Ma Ma and Ba Ba take care of her. There are, however, plenty of instances where she is clearly unsure that I mean it. She still wakes often and night and wants me to fix her blankets or simply to see that I'm there. She's not a good sleeper at all which results in an often cranky Ma Ma because I need my sleep. I try and remember the almost 17 months she spent with other caregivers who didn't come back and probably couldn't always meet her needs as well as they should have been but at 3am when we've been up for hours and Keeghan wants me to tuck her blankets in not too high but not too low and not too tight...sometimes I get frustrated. I try to be in tune with what's going on in her head but I don't always get it right. The past couple weeks have been particularly bad sleep wise and we had a huge meltdown over nothing recently as well so I've made more of an effort to go backwards a bit with Keeghan. I'm feeding her a bit more and ensuring we get plenty of physical contact (the princess is in my lap as I type) as well as making sure I'm giving her my full attention when she needs it (as opposed to my typical multitasking!). Keeghan likes to know what to expect in a day and we have a pretty steady routine for weekdays which she knows but still asks about as I put her to bed. Over the holidays there were mornings that I left for work before Keeghan was out of bed (quite a feat given that she is typically up by 6am) and Keeghan was not ok with that. She likes knowing that even if I'm going to work she will see me before I go and even after 3 months of being back to a regular work schedule she still asks if she will see me in the morning before work. Certainly a sign that we've still got work to do. I try and stay true to my word and be here when I say I will and let her know who will be taking care of her if I am not...and that's a small group still.
Overall, I think we are moving forward which is all I can ask for...Keeghan's a smart funny girl who is a great addition to our family.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Speech and sleep
I met with Keeghan's speech therapist to chat about the stuttering thing. She gave me some strategies...a lot of them things I was already doing. The stuttering is happening at school more too so that's the focus of her speech sessions. We are getting "homework" to do, working on smooth speech, trying to let Keeghan know that everyone will get their turn to speak so there is no need to rush, and also trying not to make a big deal of the whole thing. Keeghan doesn't seem to notice she is stuttering so we don't want it to become a focus and have it worsen. If Keeghan is having a particularly hard time getting out what she wants to say I will tell her to take a deep breath, talk quietly, and slowly and that seems to help. We are also making an effort to be sure when it's "her turn" to talk that we are paying attention and responding. Sitting here thinking about things now, I think maybe it's a bit better. Keeghan LOVES to talk (though plenty of people who have met her would tell you she's really quiet) especially to me. She asks questions constantly and will sometimes rephrase a question 2 or 3 times to make sure she is understanding. She also knows when you are not listening or understanding her and that is NOT ok. This kid knows how to get your attention and keep it (pretty sure that's a behaviour she developed in the orphanage...and heck it serves her well as she's one of 4 kids) and will talk my ear off sometimes.
Unfortunately, some of those times are in the middle of the night. After moving Keeghan to her big girl bed we had some trouble with her getting out of bed in the middle of the night (we've found her playing video games at 1 or 2am more than once). We used positive reinforcement (stickers) for staying in bed all night and staying there until "there's a 6 on the clock" (yes, K's an early morning kid and will sometimes get out of bed at 5am). BUT, being a smart kid, Keeghan figured out staying in bed means just that and as long as she stays in bed she can yell to me at 3am. So, plenty of nights I am beckoned "ma ma....ma ma....ma ma" to fix blankets or because she doesn't want to sleep or whatever. We've been home almost 3 years. I'm over the not sleeping thing. I am perfectly happy to help if she's not feeling well or has a nightmare or needs me, but getting up at 1 or 2 or 3am to "fix my blankets" is getting to be a problem. I'm not sure that Keeghan understands the difference between an "emergency" that is ok to wake me up for and just waking me up to wake me up. So, we spend lots of time together in the middle of the night and then I can't go back to sleep and then I'm overtired and cranky...and you get the idea. So, sleep is still a challenge.
And to add to that we had a crazy snowstorm last week that knocked out power for 6 days. No heat, no hot water, no lights, no stove, nothing. We are very lucky to have some awesome friends who let us all but move into their house (they have a generator) for the week. BUT that meant Keeghan was all out of sorts. School was close 4 days. We were not home except to sleep and then there wasn't the regular nightlight or sound machine and there were layers of pj's and blankets to keep warm. It was a tough week and it's showing a bit for Keeghan. Sleep was very much a challenge and her behaviour has been a bit off since. Overall, though, I think Keeghan handled it well and seems to be getting back to normal...but tonight we change the clocks so I'm sure that will throw a curve ball into everything!
Unfortunately, some of those times are in the middle of the night. After moving Keeghan to her big girl bed we had some trouble with her getting out of bed in the middle of the night (we've found her playing video games at 1 or 2am more than once). We used positive reinforcement (stickers) for staying in bed all night and staying there until "there's a 6 on the clock" (yes, K's an early morning kid and will sometimes get out of bed at 5am). BUT, being a smart kid, Keeghan figured out staying in bed means just that and as long as she stays in bed she can yell to me at 3am. So, plenty of nights I am beckoned "ma ma....ma ma....ma ma" to fix blankets or because she doesn't want to sleep or whatever. We've been home almost 3 years. I'm over the not sleeping thing. I am perfectly happy to help if she's not feeling well or has a nightmare or needs me, but getting up at 1 or 2 or 3am to "fix my blankets" is getting to be a problem. I'm not sure that Keeghan understands the difference between an "emergency" that is ok to wake me up for and just waking me up to wake me up. So, we spend lots of time together in the middle of the night and then I can't go back to sleep and then I'm overtired and cranky...and you get the idea. So, sleep is still a challenge.
And to add to that we had a crazy snowstorm last week that knocked out power for 6 days. No heat, no hot water, no lights, no stove, nothing. We are very lucky to have some awesome friends who let us all but move into their house (they have a generator) for the week. BUT that meant Keeghan was all out of sorts. School was close 4 days. We were not home except to sleep and then there wasn't the regular nightlight or sound machine and there were layers of pj's and blankets to keep warm. It was a tough week and it's showing a bit for Keeghan. Sleep was very much a challenge and her behaviour has been a bit off since. Overall, though, I think Keeghan handled it well and seems to be getting back to normal...but tonight we change the clocks so I'm sure that will throw a curve ball into everything!
Friday, November 4, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
It's National Adoption Month
I think you all know I think adoption is pretty cool. Biology is cool too fyi...but almost everyone tries that out. People think growing your family means getting pregnant...not always the case. Plenty of people pick the adoption route. I think, though, that unless you know someone who's gone through this and is will to share their story, adoption is a scary idea. It makes sense. That's one of the reasons I decided to blog about our journey of growing our family and I talk about adoption as much as I do. There are on the idea of 150million orphans in this world and everyone of those kids deserves a family. I Everyone who wants to add to their family should think about adoption. I'm not saying it's for everyone to try...heck there are plenty of people in this world should not parent never mind adopt. But, if you're thinking about parenting, think about adoption and if you have questions or want more info...ask. I'm happy to share many parts of our story and happy to talk about the challenges we've faced as well. Just don't go asking how much my child cost or tell me how lucky she is cause then I might go off on you.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
So frustrated...
Keeghan has been really frustrating me lately. I'm not a patient person, I'll freely admit that. Never have been, never will be. Parenting a toddler/pre-schooler at 40 is very different than parenting three of them at 30. I am much more patient with Keeghan. Lately, however, I find myself snapping more and more and I couldn't figure it out at first, but now I've keyed into it. The lack of sleep is most certainly an issue. It's frustrating but we have been doing that to some degree since coming home. It's Keeghan's speech. We had her evaluated for early intervention services a couple months after coming home and she qualified. She still had a delay once she hit 3 and therefore has qualified for services through our local elementary school. Awesome. The beginning of this year, however, Keeghan started stuttering. At first I thought maybe it was just a phase. A burst in development that was making her stutter. I left it alone and figured it would pass. Come April I started to get worried and mentioned it to her pre-school teacher and the speech pathologist. They said they weren't really seeing it at school, but that Keeghan also wasn't talking much at school so that might have been it. Come the end of the school year, the stutter was still there and we talked about it at Keeghan's IEP meeting. We wrote it into her IEP for this fall and I was told not to worry and just to ignore it. All great advice.
BUT the stuttering seems to be getting worse. Keeghan can't seem to get through a sentence in one try. It's not always the first word or a specific sound. I have to stop whatever I am doing to listen to her and understand what she is saying because it's difficult to follow what she says with the stutter. I can't cook lunch and hear a request for some juice...I have to stop whatever I'm doing to listen and understand. It's...in a word...frustrating. I wonder if the lack of sleep or stress of me wanting sleep is making it all worse. We just started week 2 of school so I'll give it another week and then try and meet with the speech pathologist and teacher to get some suggestions because I'm gonna need some!
BUT the stuttering seems to be getting worse. Keeghan can't seem to get through a sentence in one try. It's not always the first word or a specific sound. I have to stop whatever I am doing to listen to her and understand what she is saying because it's difficult to follow what she says with the stutter. I can't cook lunch and hear a request for some juice...I have to stop whatever I'm doing to listen and understand. It's...in a word...frustrating. I wonder if the lack of sleep or stress of me wanting sleep is making it all worse. We just started week 2 of school so I'll give it another week and then try and meet with the speech pathologist and teacher to get some suggestions because I'm gonna need some!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Sleep sucks
Not really...I love sleep. I can sleep with the best of 'em. 12 hours, no problem. Unless, of course, I've got insomnia or a 4 year old who doesn't seem to think sleep is a good thing. I've got a bit of both right now. If I didn't have said 4 year old, and it was just insomnia, then I could nap. But I do and it's not just insomnia.
Keeghan slept like a champ in China. Once home, notsomuch. Jet lag coming back SUCKED. I went cold turkey and got back on US time pretty quick. The then 17 month old, didn't. Once we were over insomnia we still weren't so good about sleeping. Understandable. We gave it time. I comforted her. We bonded. Sleep got somewhat better.
BUT almost 3 years later we still can't count on Keeghan sleeping through the night more than once a week. And by sleeping through the night I mean 8pm-6am if we're lucky. Naps are done. Once in a while we take a nap but then bedtime is more of a nightmare. Nighttime, is already a nightmare. There are nights I've found Keeghan playing Nintendo at 3am. Last night she was hanging out with one of the dogs at 4am. The night before we were running the halls at 2:30am. We had a sticker thing going...stay in your bed all night, get a sticker. Sweet right? Sure, for the first few weeks...then it's just old and boring and why stay in bed? The kid is tired, she's fallen DEAD asleep in the car two days this week. Her behaviour screams tired. Her little body/brain however, not so interested in giving in to sleep.
We're at the scared of monsters stage. We're asking TONS of questions about birthparents and China. School starts next week. There was the 1 night a month ago someone else put her to bed...the first time since she came home. That's alot and I think it's all adding up to lack of sleep...for both of us. If I could just have an epic meltdown whenever/wherever I want, that might be ok. But given I'm 4 with a 0 and not just 4, I can't. So I'm trudging through while little miss just 4 can meltdown at will. Trying to give my little princess some extra love and consistency and motivation. I'll get to sleep again sometime. She will never be 4 again.
Keeghan slept like a champ in China. Once home, notsomuch. Jet lag coming back SUCKED. I went cold turkey and got back on US time pretty quick. The then 17 month old, didn't. Once we were over insomnia we still weren't so good about sleeping. Understandable. We gave it time. I comforted her. We bonded. Sleep got somewhat better.
BUT almost 3 years later we still can't count on Keeghan sleeping through the night more than once a week. And by sleeping through the night I mean 8pm-6am if we're lucky. Naps are done. Once in a while we take a nap but then bedtime is more of a nightmare. Nighttime, is already a nightmare. There are nights I've found Keeghan playing Nintendo at 3am. Last night she was hanging out with one of the dogs at 4am. The night before we were running the halls at 2:30am. We had a sticker thing going...stay in your bed all night, get a sticker. Sweet right? Sure, for the first few weeks...then it's just old and boring and why stay in bed? The kid is tired, she's fallen DEAD asleep in the car two days this week. Her behaviour screams tired. Her little body/brain however, not so interested in giving in to sleep.
We're at the scared of monsters stage. We're asking TONS of questions about birthparents and China. School starts next week. There was the 1 night a month ago someone else put her to bed...the first time since she came home. That's alot and I think it's all adding up to lack of sleep...for both of us. If I could just have an epic meltdown whenever/wherever I want, that might be ok. But given I'm 4 with a 0 and not just 4, I can't. So I'm trudging through while little miss just 4 can meltdown at will. Trying to give my little princess some extra love and consistency and motivation. I'll get to sleep again sometime. She will never be 4 again.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Second Best?
So I was just reading a thread on an adoption board about adoption being second best and I got to thinking. Biology is a strong drive and I think we (as a society) view it as THE way to grow a family. Get pregnant, have baby, good job. Some have trouble with the "get pregnant" part...and are lead to adoption to grow their family. Does that mean adoption is second best? Or just a second choice? Kinda like getting pregnant...most times the first choice is to get pregnant without any ahhhhh, extra involvement? That doesn't always work out so there's help out there...IVF, IUI, just some drugs...does that mean kids that come to a family via those methods are second best?
Some just don't want to be pregnant. I'll tell ya it wasn't a fun time for me! I puked...alot. All the time. For most of all three of my successful pregnancies. I spent some time in the hospital, had high blood pressure, and was pretty miserable to live with while pregnant. Sure one mention of growing our family and I'd be knocked up but that doesn't make my bio kids any better than my adopted kid. I've blogged/talked openly about how we came to adopt. We didn't venture to the biology side with kid 4. Did we talk about it? Sure. But it simply wasn't a good choice...wasn't our 1st choice for adding to our family...adoption was the 1st choice. And honestly, it would be my 1st choice again in a second if we could add to our family again. I could care less about being pregnant, but adoption, I'd be all over that in a second.
So why do you think adoption is seen as the backup plan? Oh...couldn't get pregnant huh? Had to adopt? I think a huge piece of this is how society sees adoption. I think we're stuck in the mindset that having "our own kids" is how it should be...or is better. I think because adoption used to be such a secret that we don't hear enough about it and there are soooo many misconceptions. But, like anything else, if you do some research and ask some questions...you can get through it. People will go to amazing lengths to have biological children. All kinds of medical procedures, drugs, tests, bed rest, the list goes on. Sure, there's a crap load of paperwork involved in adopting...but way easier than 30 weeks of bed rest! Sure there are unknowns...medical stuff that could come up...but isn't that the case in biology as well? Parenthood is a complete crap shoot no matter how you get there. Giving birth to biological children is no guarantee that you'll get a perfectly healthy kid.
There is also the concept that a bond with an adopted child won't be as strong as the biology bond. Gotta tell ya, soooo not true. I did not bond at all with one of my bio kids for a solid year. Did I care for that kid? Yup. Did I enjoy it? Nope. I went through the motions and did what I needed to do cause I am the Mother. It took a long time for me to bond with that kid. Keeghan was "mine" from second one. I connected with her and loved her far more than I can explain. She certainly didn't feel the same about me. I had to work to earn her trust. But it wasn't really work to me...taking care of that bio kid...THAT was work. Obviously this is different for everyone but I'm here to tell ya that biology doesn't guarantee a bond.
So what am I getting at? Adoption isn't second best. It's a way to grow a family just like pregnancy. There are on the idea of 147 MILLION children in this world without families. That's a scary number. Is adoption right for everyone? No way. There are plenty of people who "can't love someone else's kid". If that's your attitude...don't adopt. I, however, am not loving someone else's kid...I'm loving MY FOUR kids. And when someone has both bio and adopted children...don't assume adoption was the second choice or second best...it was simply a way to grow a family.
Some just don't want to be pregnant. I'll tell ya it wasn't a fun time for me! I puked...alot. All the time. For most of all three of my successful pregnancies. I spent some time in the hospital, had high blood pressure, and was pretty miserable to live with while pregnant. Sure one mention of growing our family and I'd be knocked up but that doesn't make my bio kids any better than my adopted kid. I've blogged/talked openly about how we came to adopt. We didn't venture to the biology side with kid 4. Did we talk about it? Sure. But it simply wasn't a good choice...wasn't our 1st choice for adding to our family...adoption was the 1st choice. And honestly, it would be my 1st choice again in a second if we could add to our family again. I could care less about being pregnant, but adoption, I'd be all over that in a second.
So why do you think adoption is seen as the backup plan? Oh...couldn't get pregnant huh? Had to adopt? I think a huge piece of this is how society sees adoption. I think we're stuck in the mindset that having "our own kids" is how it should be...or is better. I think because adoption used to be such a secret that we don't hear enough about it and there are soooo many misconceptions. But, like anything else, if you do some research and ask some questions...you can get through it. People will go to amazing lengths to have biological children. All kinds of medical procedures, drugs, tests, bed rest, the list goes on. Sure, there's a crap load of paperwork involved in adopting...but way easier than 30 weeks of bed rest! Sure there are unknowns...medical stuff that could come up...but isn't that the case in biology as well? Parenthood is a complete crap shoot no matter how you get there. Giving birth to biological children is no guarantee that you'll get a perfectly healthy kid.
There is also the concept that a bond with an adopted child won't be as strong as the biology bond. Gotta tell ya, soooo not true. I did not bond at all with one of my bio kids for a solid year. Did I care for that kid? Yup. Did I enjoy it? Nope. I went through the motions and did what I needed to do cause I am the Mother. It took a long time for me to bond with that kid. Keeghan was "mine" from second one. I connected with her and loved her far more than I can explain. She certainly didn't feel the same about me. I had to work to earn her trust. But it wasn't really work to me...taking care of that bio kid...THAT was work. Obviously this is different for everyone but I'm here to tell ya that biology doesn't guarantee a bond.
So what am I getting at? Adoption isn't second best. It's a way to grow a family just like pregnancy. There are on the idea of 147 MILLION children in this world without families. That's a scary number. Is adoption right for everyone? No way. There are plenty of people who "can't love someone else's kid". If that's your attitude...don't adopt. I, however, am not loving someone else's kid...I'm loving MY FOUR kids. And when someone has both bio and adopted children...don't assume adoption was the second choice or second best...it was simply a way to grow a family.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
4 years ago...
It was 4 years ago that the idea of adoption was discussed for real in our house. We were headed out the door to a soccer practice when Doug sorta threw on my lap "if you really want another daughter we can adopt one from China". I was a bit like "HUH????!!!!"....and out the door we went. There were some serious discussions over the next few days. Adoption, another pregnancy, not to add to our family, international adoption, domestic adoption....and on and on. Adding to our family through an international adoption quickly became the front runner and we spent our 15th wedding anniversary in a hot room at an info meeting for our adoption agency. We did manage a nice dinner at the Cheesecake Factory too, after said meeting and a phone call to some friends to confirm that we hadn't totally lost our minds (friends who also have a daughter that was born in China and came home with the help of the same agency). We started paperwork, talked to the big kids, and did more paperwork thinking we were in for a 2-3 year wait to bring home a daughter. Little did we know our daughter was making her way into this world thousands of miles away...
Fast forward a year to the end of July 2008 when we found Keeghan's file on a list of waiting children and began the very real process of deciding if we could add this child to our family. It was the day after her 1st birthday (7/30) that we locked her file at 5pm on a Wednesday night when I was on my way to work and Doug was having his soccer team over to tie die socks...that's how we roll around here. We were up til midnight writing our Letter of Intent and panicking about whether or not we'd done the right thing. The next few months of approvals and waiting dragged but the miracle of having Keeghan home with us for Christmas came true.
2 1/2 years later there are days I forget Keeghan hasn't always been with us but there are other days I feel like we just met. Sleep is still a challenge for us. It's better for sure. The nights of being up for hours on end with a very unhappy little girl are mostly gone. There are nights of nightmares though or of waking because it's too...hot, cold, windy, dark, light, the blankets are wrong, there's no more water in the cup, there's a stray book on the floor...but overall sleep is better. Naptime is, very sadly, a thing of the past but my girl has an internal clock that gets her up at 5:50am no matter what. Although I'm a morning person, I like my quiet time to get up and get my workout and shower in without, ummmm, help.
Keeghan still loves her food and has certainly developed a sweet tooth but she loves a good salad too. And noodles...this kid LOVES noodles. We are past needing to have food in her hands 24/7 but don't make her wait too long if she's hungry cause that gets UGLY. I keep snacks in my car as we're on the go alot and don't really expect her to wait a long time to eat if she tells me she's hungry. And I still feed her pretty often. She'll even ask me once in a while "you feed me?".
Early on I fed her as much as she'd let me for bonding purposes and I suppose it certainly fits that bill now as well. I promise her often that "Ma Ma always comes back." and "I will love you forever and ever." and "I'll be your Ma Ma forever." but actions speak louder than words and feeding her serves to show that I'll take care of her. I still carry Keeghan once in a while and let her sit on my lap as much as she wants (despite her 43+ lbs being a bit much). I cuddle with her and read every night when I tuck her into bed. Make sure to make lots of eye contact. Bonding is a process. A kid who has lost not only a biological family and then her nannies knows that people SAY they're going to take care of you but then disappear. Keeghan was MORE than aware that I was taking her from those who cared for her and was FAR from happy about it. Losing your family, your comfort, your bed, your clothes, your language, your culture, your food...everything is traumatic and I don't blame my princess a bit for not being so sure that we're not going to disappear too. I'm sure we will hit phases of development that will bring many more questions and concerns.
We talk about China, about the fact that Keeghan has a birth mother, that her nannies took care of her, that we couldn't wait for her to be in our family, that she has beautiful black hair, that everyone is born different, that all families look different. We answer questions as they come up. We love her and she has grown to love us. Keeghan is usually ok with me going to work or coming to the gym with me where she goes to the daycare. There are still days I get a quiet little girl who clearly doesn't want me to go and it kills me. I'm sure we will eventually get to the point where someone besides me can put her to bed without major drama or I can run an errand without 10 minutes of hugs and kisses and reassurance before I go. I hope that someday, Keeghan will know how much we love her and that we really are her FOREVER family.
Keeghan's lymphedema has proved to cause more problems with people saying stupid things than medical issues...so far anyway. Her swelling is worse in the hot, humid weather when it's more difficult to wrap her arm. We massage as we can but gentle massage on a small child results in more giggling than massaging. I try and sneak massage time in when we're cuddled on the bed or couch and sometimes Keeghan will even ask to be massaged. The swelling certainly hasn't gone down as much as we had hoped but we also have not undergone intense treatment as Keeghan isn't all that fond of strangers touching her so getting her to allow a therapist to massage her for a solid hour a couple weeks in a row probably isn't worth the trauma. We have been lucky that Keeghan has not had any infections though we certainly panic anytime we see a red spot on her bad side. We handle stupid comments without much flair because I don't want Keeghan to think there is a reason to react strongly. If someone asks what happened to her hand I will typically respond with "Nothing, she has a congenital medical condition." and leave it at that. If a child asks I simply say "Nothing she was born that way." and Keeghan will often pipe in with "That's just my hand." or "Everyone's different.". So, for now, it's not a big deal to any of us though I'm sure that will change as she gets older and kids get meaner. I hope we can instill the confidence she will need to get through the idiots in this world who can't see past her swollen hand to the amazing little girl she is.
Fast forward a year to the end of July 2008 when we found Keeghan's file on a list of waiting children and began the very real process of deciding if we could add this child to our family. It was the day after her 1st birthday (7/30) that we locked her file at 5pm on a Wednesday night when I was on my way to work and Doug was having his soccer team over to tie die socks...that's how we roll around here. We were up til midnight writing our Letter of Intent and panicking about whether or not we'd done the right thing. The next few months of approvals and waiting dragged but the miracle of having Keeghan home with us for Christmas came true.
2 1/2 years later there are days I forget Keeghan hasn't always been with us but there are other days I feel like we just met. Sleep is still a challenge for us. It's better for sure. The nights of being up for hours on end with a very unhappy little girl are mostly gone. There are nights of nightmares though or of waking because it's too...hot, cold, windy, dark, light, the blankets are wrong, there's no more water in the cup, there's a stray book on the floor...but overall sleep is better. Naptime is, very sadly, a thing of the past but my girl has an internal clock that gets her up at 5:50am no matter what. Although I'm a morning person, I like my quiet time to get up and get my workout and shower in without, ummmm, help.
Keeghan still loves her food and has certainly developed a sweet tooth but she loves a good salad too. And noodles...this kid LOVES noodles. We are past needing to have food in her hands 24/7 but don't make her wait too long if she's hungry cause that gets UGLY. I keep snacks in my car as we're on the go alot and don't really expect her to wait a long time to eat if she tells me she's hungry. And I still feed her pretty often. She'll even ask me once in a while "you feed me?".
Early on I fed her as much as she'd let me for bonding purposes and I suppose it certainly fits that bill now as well. I promise her often that "Ma Ma always comes back." and "I will love you forever and ever." and "I'll be your Ma Ma forever." but actions speak louder than words and feeding her serves to show that I'll take care of her. I still carry Keeghan once in a while and let her sit on my lap as much as she wants (despite her 43+ lbs being a bit much). I cuddle with her and read every night when I tuck her into bed. Make sure to make lots of eye contact. Bonding is a process. A kid who has lost not only a biological family and then her nannies knows that people SAY they're going to take care of you but then disappear. Keeghan was MORE than aware that I was taking her from those who cared for her and was FAR from happy about it. Losing your family, your comfort, your bed, your clothes, your language, your culture, your food...everything is traumatic and I don't blame my princess a bit for not being so sure that we're not going to disappear too. I'm sure we will hit phases of development that will bring many more questions and concerns.
We talk about China, about the fact that Keeghan has a birth mother, that her nannies took care of her, that we couldn't wait for her to be in our family, that she has beautiful black hair, that everyone is born different, that all families look different. We answer questions as they come up. We love her and she has grown to love us. Keeghan is usually ok with me going to work or coming to the gym with me where she goes to the daycare. There are still days I get a quiet little girl who clearly doesn't want me to go and it kills me. I'm sure we will eventually get to the point where someone besides me can put her to bed without major drama or I can run an errand without 10 minutes of hugs and kisses and reassurance before I go. I hope that someday, Keeghan will know how much we love her and that we really are her FOREVER family.
Keeghan's lymphedema has proved to cause more problems with people saying stupid things than medical issues...so far anyway. Her swelling is worse in the hot, humid weather when it's more difficult to wrap her arm. We massage as we can but gentle massage on a small child results in more giggling than massaging. I try and sneak massage time in when we're cuddled on the bed or couch and sometimes Keeghan will even ask to be massaged. The swelling certainly hasn't gone down as much as we had hoped but we also have not undergone intense treatment as Keeghan isn't all that fond of strangers touching her so getting her to allow a therapist to massage her for a solid hour a couple weeks in a row probably isn't worth the trauma. We have been lucky that Keeghan has not had any infections though we certainly panic anytime we see a red spot on her bad side. We handle stupid comments without much flair because I don't want Keeghan to think there is a reason to react strongly. If someone asks what happened to her hand I will typically respond with "Nothing, she has a congenital medical condition." and leave it at that. If a child asks I simply say "Nothing she was born that way." and Keeghan will often pipe in with "That's just my hand." or "Everyone's different.". So, for now, it's not a big deal to any of us though I'm sure that will change as she gets older and kids get meaner. I hope we can instill the confidence she will need to get through the idiots in this world who can't see past her swollen hand to the amazing little girl she is.
Monday, July 25, 2011
3 years ago today...
I saw my little princess for the first time. After 2 days of frantically researching lymphedema we decided we needed to see the file of this little girl. I tried calling my agency out of an email I had but somehow or another the number was off so I sent a quick email and got a phone call back. The in house SW was going to send me the file with medical info and pictures. PICTURES I said??? I'm not sure if I want to see pictures...I didn't want to fall in love with a cute little face and ignore the facts and I knew that would be tough if there were pictures. But, the SW said...I want you to see what her hand looks like. She did offer to blur out the face in the pictures but I finally said no, if I'm going to see pictures I want to see her. And minutes later I got an email with medical info, some development stuff, comments her nannies had made about her personality...and those pictures. I'll never forget the cute pouty lips and crazy hair. As a matter of fact Keeghan and I were looking at pictures the other night when she looked at one of the pictures that came with her file and said "What happened to my hair?". It seems crazy that it's been 3 years already....those pouty lips smile more these days and the hair is not as crazy but she's every bit as beautiful as those pictures!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
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